I'm currently with someone that i met 4.5 yrs ago, and before that i was dating pretty regularly, so i've got a good contrast of perspective on this.

For me personally, dating is more fun, novelty, experimental and adventurous. Long-term comitment is more meaningful, sentimental, safe, grounded, authentic and more of an opportunity for deeper love.

Both paths have different growth opportunities at hand, and it really depends on what you want and what you need to experience more.

I used to love meeting new girls and discovering different personality types and experiencing different chemistries, finding out what makes them laugh, what your common interests are, and seeing how the connection grows, and every now and then i miss it, but long-term commitment has been a discovery in itself. There's a real beauty to committing to someone and supporting each other through bad times and good times, it creates a sentimentality in your life that can't really be matched in dating. Dating is kind of a fake sentimentality, in those first few months you're hiding a lot of psychological warts, flaws, traumas, emotional blockages etc, it's more about learning about yourself or reinventing yourself. But being with someone who understands your whole story and psychology from top to bottom and they still love you? It can't be beat. Having someone TRULY in your corner - with no agenda other than to love and be loved - does really great things for your psychology. It grounds you and humbles you. It gives you a foundation to build off.
BUT, the only way to get there is to have done work on yourself: know yourself, resolve your past traumas, respect/love yourself (action-wise), experience the world, build positive habits/perspectives, all that kinda thing.
Then once you're there, find someone you can experience mutual respect with. Without mutual respect, the relationship wont last. Here's a study/survey someone did on that very topic, it's probably the best material on relationships i've ever read: https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice

 

You get pots and you get pans. Both can have a lid, but some just doesn't get a lid. I'm one of those. Many, many relationships and never found my lid, so I said that's it. I'm done. Just shoot something for the pot now and then and keep my own company. I'm good with that, but saying that man is not meant to be without a woman and visa versa, is just bull. I clean my own house and do my own laundry and can probably cook better than most women. I keep busy by working on music. I love it. No one here to interfere with my work and bother me.

 

It depends how your stable relationship partner feels about you having a woman with you in the relationship.

Especially if it's your mother.

 

There is no universal answer to that question: there's people preferring 'aimless' dating, there's others preferring a stable relationship. Additionally it shouldn't be a surprise that when getting older preferences may change: what's ideal in your twenties might not be ideal anymore in your fourties.

And then there's the different levels influencing that:

• the biological/evolutionary level, which - mostly unknowingly - steers people to procreate and establish a safe environment for offspring
• the sociological/cultural level, where society teaches people that having a stable relationship is a wanted goal
• the economical level, where a stable relationship is the most secure way to be able to pay for life
  
• the psychological level, as a basic human need of being accepted and validated by another person
• the religious level (i.e. marriage)
  
• ...

These different levels can support any of both sides, for example: 'aimless' dating can be a real effective way for procreation. Or you may live in a culture where polygamy is regarded as the best way of going about relationships. Or you may be part of a subculture that opposes itself to societies morals which may lead you to prefer orgies with strangers in the weekend.

 

Like my father before me, I have no capabilty for fidelity.
Even the times I went to Amsterdam:
I'd go to the red light district and find a real stunner and swear to come back the next day
The next day I would find someone even nicer and I would avoid the previous street for the rest of my trip
That's why I never got married

 

Love, companionship, sharing memories, complicity, "making love" a big difference from having sex. Forever is better a stable relationship than something fleeting.

 

random

 

I don't think it is planable in any way.
As if we were the absolute controllers of our destiny.
We are slaves of our inner composition, which we mostly do not even really know.

For me I always thought I (and who knows me a bit thinks the same) was a loner who did not want a long relationship.
When I was very young I did not want an impractical long-lasting relationship, never! I never wanted to have children and wanted to devote myself entirely to a career in science.

Even if I were asked today what I would recommend to a young man, I would suggest him to enjoy his life and to pick the flowers where they grow.
However, then chance comes into play. For me it was when I was 25 years old. One day I came into a large hall with about 100 other people and saw almost in the first moment a woman who turned me on ...
From then on, I didn't want any more loose relationships.
I've been married to her for 37 years now and we have 4 grown daughters.
But it has been an uphill battle at times to stay together.
The hot love is always subject to strong fluctuations and you look now and then off the right path.
But what always remains is the friendship and thus the will not to hurt the other.

 

It depends. When we are young we like to `experiment`. But it may come a day when others don't matter anymore and you just want that one...
You'll never know if you're jealous unless you have a partner. You can exchange the word jealous with many others (like violent, indifferent, etc). What I mean is that a relationship is an opportunity to know a part of yourself that is hidden inside of you. An opportunity to confront and fix things we inherited from family, morals and education.

To subdue(defeat) others you need force
To subdue yourself you need courage
...
In the pursuit of knowledge everyday is something added
In the pursuit of the way everyday something is left behind
...

TED.com is a nonpartisan nonprofit media organization devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks.
It is a great source for me to learn from experts. Maybe you`ll find something interesting there.

 

Last edited: Sep 7, 2022

`To be alone is the faith of all great minds`... not necessarily true when it comes to partners.
Anyway, I'm not part of that 0.0000000...00001%...

 

Last edited: Sep 6, 2022

WTF!

 

Last edited: Sep 7, 2022

No, but, would you like one?

 

complement (not compliment)

1. add to (something) in a way that enhances or improves it; make perfect.
   "a classic blazer complements a look that's stylish or casual"

 

It depends on the man and on the woman.

 

Very interesting question. I think it deserves another thread to properly debate it.

 

the woman is conceived to give birth, it is her choice to do so or not, of course it is also the choice of the man, not in all cases! lol
a woman brings you a lot of good things, a woman needs to be taken care of, to do things with her, she will subtract from your time, if there are children, your share of free time will be even less, the man, or both of them will work to feed, clothe, educate, offer "good time" to the children.
TIME!
DATES, you have to take your time too, it can be good, mediocre or lousy, and it can end up like everything that has been written before.....lol
if you have a passion, the TIME you spend on all other activities will be reduced!

and your feelings and emotions in all this?
have a nice day.

 

i agree but i feel i am already pushing it in this forum with this type of questions so hopefully it will pick up in this post

i will also edit the main question and include this too now

 

Love is a strange game, it comes and goes and moves from one to another.

 

Nah, it's fine. Go ahead. The more threads the merrier the forum