i don't know why we have to assume i'm so inept... i wouldnt be asking if i didn't find this weird. of course the whole machine is offline and has never touched the net.
i actually nuked everything and started with a clean win10, formatting everything (had to do it more than a few months ago eheh). result? same behaviour is still showing: until you open the plugins one by one, they will play noise every minute or so.