When we no longer have that special someone we love around us anymore, we usually tag our language with the following "I lost". Our K9 family member died on on 12/25/20, I didn't lose him and know exactly where he is, I just can't see him. He passed away from us in the physical form due to Nasal cancer. Riley was the closest thing I've ever had to a Father, Son, or Brother. He's the only male that ever protected me and cared for me in my entire life. I won't go into private things and happenings surrounding his death as it would take 2 hours to write and I'm here just to show some music, long story short when his physical body expired from this world dying in my arms was the start of my walk with Jesus Christ at 34 years old. I'll talk some other time about what was experienced and happened taking me from a Stone cold athiest out of anger (knowing there was a God all along but being a whiney cry baby pussy and keeping the mind frame of "Why me?")

The link Below features a picture from the middle of last year of my 100 LBS Golden Doodle in which whom didn't fear anything that stood on 2 or 4 legs ( he was just like me ), to the right is me.

I needed something to do and try to vent over a real sad situation and probably the worst thing that happened to me in my entire life, and we're talking I survived somethings I won't go into. I could of gave 2 flying fucks about the person who Fathered me genetically that died when I was 15, when I found out the news and was woke from my slumber my response was "I don't give a fuck" causing the person who was telling me to stop crying out of being shocked. Car accidents, gang initiations when I was younger, losing 100,000 USD a year business from a shady partner, stalked by a transexual ( not the kind you're thinking a female transitioning into male and she was on Steroids so the stalking was aggressive ) All childs play. Nothing I went through compares to having the sentient being you love the most in this world slowly slip away and leave this thing we call the land of the living, I loved him above all things, more importantly, myself.

I figured the TV show intro mash sounded super depressing, and I just wanted to detail what was going on through the sonics of an instrumental. The M.A.S.H theme which has no words was able to convey the sadness and despair of the Vietnam war. When you hear the song, you think of Vietnam and this Jewish actor along with his genius comedian-based style he portrayed as a Medic in the middle of the war.

I looked up the notes for the Mash song then as to get an idea where to start, then by chance ( not really as nothing is a mistake or by chance ) I discovered this flute sound in my FL Sound library, then I flipped it, spaced it, reversed it, used a little granular with it and did variations of it, then I chose a root note for the instrumental. The flute embodied sadness, a gloom that seemed like it would never end, despair you would have traded your life, the ability to walk, or indeed offer to kill anyone or anything in exchange for Riley to still be alive. And I mean anything. I would of cut off my hands, feet, dick, and that's after I would have agreed to sell my soul to the devil and go off on a killing spree of 25 people, I would of taken that deal including everything just so he could of been alive and my family all together again, even w/out me. The flute sound represented just a raunchy stail ass depression that seems like it wouldn't end.

I did the drum sequencing programming, other stuff. But the Chorus, the Chorus I wanted people to get the feeling of reassurance, the counter-weight to the sad flute, I said I want to put into notes the genuine love I feel on the inside when I was w/him but with the notation theme of like a flashback of all the memories we have together and this twin flame we shared, and wanted the essence of it's hard atm, but will be ok to felt with a little bit of babying someone that's being a bitch, the word patronizing isn't correct but the closest thing to what I mean.

I decided to use the guitar for the Hook Chorus in order to convey this, a guitar is always used at a bonfire telling tales of love or spooky stories, it comes from the heart. I don't know how to play guitar and I can't read music or know any tablature...So I downloaded a bunch of guitar packs for all the big vst's Omni, Nexus, Kontakt, I downloaded guitar loops, but the ones I found were good just didn't do the love of my life justice to give people the sense of his being and love you felt. The realest sounding guitar was actually Kontakt Stock sound that comes with Native Library? Not sure, but comes with it. I wanted it to sound as real as possible and used some guitar rig with it, downloaded acoustic guitar clipping noises with the pick and fret changes, everything, and even looked up videos on how a real guitar when recorded into a Daw and a VST pre-recorded daw sound very different with the real guitar sounding slightly worse/tacky.

It was easy to make the flute sound stail and shitty being played over and over giving the listener the sense of no hope in site ontop of being minuscule in skill, but the guitar was different. I wanted the acoustic guitar to come in and grant the beat redemption for the person listening, redemption for thinking they picked a stail shit beat to listen to. So for 3 days straight I didn't sleep until I found the right notes to do my best-friend and soulmate justice that he deserves/deserved. Everything else was done within the first 10-20 minutes on day one. When I say hardest beat I ever made meaning aggresively good wasn't that, it was hardest one for me to write out in piano roll to not let my buddy down if he heard it.

I give to you all Riley's Interlude: https://bsta.rs/cd7420bab

The only thing that I care to improve opposed to anyone elses opinion as I don't give a fuck cause that music wasn't for anyone else, would be the eqing mastering/mixing.
My Psychiatrist I heald my hand out to last year and asked for help and received it told me about a book that's real good and helps with animals passing. He's about 48 Tops I think, and he read it when he was a child and helped him with the grieving. I found the philosophers stone @23, when you find/have it (finding is knowing aka attainment of the element on periodic table) one of the things you receive with it is the gift of consistent synchronicity if you're on the path that you're meant to be on. I won't go into to much detail other than we had a long standing joke that we knew to be true and just exadurated it by spelling out our words when we were around Riley because he could understand what you're saying... We had an idea he knew, but the night before he passed he spoke to us and I should of known it was his time. He didn't hide it anymore as he was in to much pain to care, he always put himself below others to make them feel inferior ( just like me ) and this includes him having a poker face of leading you onto think he's dumb ( probably had to fend for himself with his previous companion as we adopted him late 2016, I believe he was meant to become apart of our family and die with people that love him surrounding him.
Well in the book at the end it has the boy asks "Why can't dogs talk? They can, and we just don't listen". Mind you this Book is for 8 years old and under and that part made me cry knowing he could speak and reading this a month after going on to the Rainbow Bridge. THis book


My only complaint and unhappiness with the beat is the Eq and mastering and is large part of reason I wanted to be proficient in Pro Tools as to do those things properly, complete the idea and turn it into a song called (The rainbow bridge). A month after his passing I won't call them peculiar things that happened, that would stain the experience, I'll just say I was visited during a real rough time while in a bout of crying and reassured of a few things and before Riley I hadn't shed a tear for about 15 years. Riley had enough love to tame a wild white dude with a satanic pentagram on his hand and convince me we'll be inseparable the next time we get see one another at the sametime being convinced of the what I thought before to be the idea of a Jesus. I'm not going to preach to anyone either this forum isn't for that and I'm not innocent, I think its overdone and it drives people away and question Christianities's legitimacy, at the same time crammed down peoples throats and ends up hurting more than helping. The moment he expired the dread and weight of guilt, just shit feeling I had even for years felt like it lifted from my shoulders where I could hold my head up again and after he passed it was hard to cry, I can't call it bliss, but I believe its what Christians call grace.

 

Last edited: Jul 31, 2021

Sup Roject, been a while dude. Hope you feel better soon down there in Poland.