I had the idea of a song based on a poem by Poe. And then it all came together faste than I anticipated and here we go: Sunken City, based on 'The City In The Sea' (left out some lines, rearranged some for the chorus)

 

I like that part from 0:45 - 0:52

 

You're talking about the intro-reprise with vocals right?
(Wouldn't be the first time that the YT-timecodes are not the same)

Does anyone else think it sounds a little too dull after all? It's 50:50 with all the monitors and headphones I've got so I waver a little over this...

 

Dr. Edgar Rocks

- The video is very boring/uninventive
- Give some space to the instruments from time to time (some kind of guitar solo, or a catching bass break/phrase)

Thanks for sharing

ps.
Odd to see that Ibanez produce "that" sound

 

Thanks!

Normally my songs include a solo spot - this is no. 17 and I think it's only the second one not to feature some sort of instrument solo. Originally I planned on doing something either in front of the "But lo! A stir is in the air"-part or right after where there actually are eight bars without vocals and some sort of piano solo..but I didn't push it in front of the mix just raised the level a little. In the end I felt it wouldn't add anything to the song adding something (grammar at work here) - or to leave out even more of the poem. But as I plan to remix-remaster-rerecord-revise all the songs up to the point when I finally reach said point where I am at least 'ok' with my mixes I'll look into it again. Maybe I'll have a great idea then.

As for the video: this is the maximum of what's possible for me atm. No money, no friends, nothing more to add. The green screen already is a huge leap compared to the 'look I make music in my living room'-style I was forced to do for the first 9 songs. If possible I add stock footage or use more interesting backgrounds but there wasn't much to work with for this one (especially since I am limited to free stuff). I tried to create something like a 'band' using multiple recordings - this should be fairly easy using green screen - but it looked reeeeaaaally weird (not even in a funny or somewhat cheesy way) so I prefered to try it again for next month's song.

It may look odd but it's what you actually hear . The AF55 is my most used guitar since I've got her. You can hear this on the 'Malefica'-video I posted here last week. Hollowbody/Archtops

Thanks again for your feedback!

 

It's kinda not my taste of music at all, but I always enjoy ur efforts. The chorus is the best part, the whole "melancholy.." bit is great. I think that it's a bit contrast-less (at the start), if that's a thing? It's a bit kinda wall o' sound throughout, rather than being "dull" per se. It just needs a bit more contrast, even if that means stripping stuff out / doing weird bass improv / breakdown etcs. It's a bit kinda "everything is a chorus!", when it should all serve the best bit.

I think the song can & would sound better if it was all structured kinda like 2:30-3:30, just as v/c instead of c/v. If that makes sense. Also the bass needs a bit of work in that part. I appreciated the bell HH hits - that made me smile! The piano arp makes it a bit busy imo, too. But y'know, opinions!

Oh yeah, I rly love that logo!

 

@Polymetrix
By boring I meant, there is no story... just a guy playing a guitar...
a simple graphic content would fit better IMO... even a cartoon ...anything that has a story or a message.

The poem has it`s own flow, that the screen should somehow enhance or accentuate ?!?

Anyway, just an opinion... some chicks will probably find the video as is, irresistible

 

@famouslut sorry I forgot to include the thank you-image where I credit you for the logo...where I also credit pixabay and co. I made this to always include it wether I used something or not and now I load it into the project and always forget to insert it...got to try and find something to remind myself...like my mixing paper...

Music-wise it's like it is because I chose to do it so. I don't want you to get the impression that I don't appreciate the critique but it was more contrasty so to say and it felt odd. As Rhodes stated just after you: the poem has its own flow and it felt really weird to break it again and again. Someone else maybe would've felt comfortable doing so but I didn't. Especially when I went ahead and tried the choir for the chorus thing. Normally I record the main vocals and some backing stuff. Here I was able to make three voices work - there are 15 tracks of vocals in the finale. So the entire song was pushed a little to the larger scale because it felt odd to me to just let a song like this explode at the end. But apart from that: it's funny how people react to music, someone else wrote that he especially enjoyed that the flow isn't disrupted by a calm verse...I somewhat love it when this happens. No matter what part of any song you'll find someone who likes it and someone who dislikes it. I enjoy this a lot - more to consider when I redo this one. I'll grow and change as a musician until then we'll see.

I would love to find someone to do some cartoons/comics/animations...I've been looking for someone for more than a month now for an even longer song with a way more specific story. But they want money, all of them. And I've got none. Really. It's not like I don't want to pay someone I simply can't. I'll continue searching because I really want to do something else especially for this future song...couldn't stand 7:30-8 minutes of my own face

 

Don't worry about credit until u can be bothered; better to keep focus on the important parts of ur project!

Oooooh. I must check that out!

Yeah, even the parts when he's smurf colored! Or maybe because? >__> <__<

Heh. As it should be! I mean, it's all just opinion. I don't rly have any business commenting. I know nothing about the style (even what to call it.. industrial? metal?) but it's a little fatiguey having kinda chorusChOrUsCHORUSverse etcs, just as an "outsider" to the form & style. I guess it's also that there's kinda lil too much going on from the start, rather than (say) gradual build up of (musical elements) to that part (2:30-3:30ish) that is excellent. It does give me lots of (what if..) ideas tho, so I guess it's intresting & intriguing enough to play on ur mind, which is prolly the main point of music-making!...

 

Students at art school might jump at the chance to have their work featured in your video. Starving students work for veggie sandwiches and fizzy water drinks. It can't hurt asking around if you live near a university. When I lived around the corner from New York University's Film School, film students continually asked if my dog Auggie would be in their films. She worked for bubble gum. Even those guys could afford a piece of gum. Aggie would do anything for a piece of gum. She would hit her mark every time if she knew the reward was coming. Odd but true.

 

Thought so too - the next uni, 'my uni' so to say as I graduated there, is just 8km of straight street away. Asked two classes of design students - no luck so far. But I'm not giving up on this matter...I really want something else at least for this one upcoming song. As I can delay it as long as I want I am considering getting into sketching again myself...wasn't too bad at it while not even trying...and it would come in handy anyway...

 

If you use this video representing your work it would set their minds to fantasize, pondering the possibilities of how they could translate the visuals into their own inimical style...guaranteed.