Set up a metronome to literally say the words "BEATS-PER-MIN-UTE". You'll thank me after a few measures. Before you know it, you'll be really good at playing with yourself. Just don't do it too much, there's rumors that it makes you lose your soul; or even worse, you could go blind.

 

I try not to play with myself too much... But sometimes, when my wife is away, I just can't help myself... I must be overdoing it... I just got new reading glasses... My eyesight must be failing...

 

What he says?

Here they say that too much playing with yourself can make you deaf....