@Stryves , I assume you got your refill?
No need to reply, I just like seeing you joking around here today.

 

Actually not yet, my joking was last night for different timezones heh. Looks like it's been delayed at least a day. Thanks though!

 

I know you've been focused on music. You say it helps you. Does it help you enough that you think that maybe you could live without meds? I've been trying to work on the "no tempo" project, but last night I hit a wall with my Benzos and punched a wall because a cable I wanted to plug in to my mixer was 10mm too short. I cursed until my throat hurt, which I later thought was coronavirus. Couldn't work out why I had bruised knuckles today. Shrink is doing mailbox delivery today. My teeth are aching at the roots.

 

I don't know how many other members here feel the same, but you are doing this group a genuine service in going public and documenting what it's like going through bad times when you're in a bad place to begin with. My admiration is extended to you for your honesty and bravery.

 

There's a very fine line between brave and stupid. ;)

Just joking, but appreciate the kind words. Others have posted here to, just glad we're using what we can to talk.

 

No I definitely couldn't keep this going. If this turns into a dystopian future and there are no meds I'll do what I can... But after just whatever many days I really don't like going back to this feeling. The longer I've been away from the meds the less I've done, more I've lost touch with music.

Rage is a big issue that others talk about. That's a fucking book to discuss. So many factors and options, can't imagine quitting with a rage unconstrained.

 

Rage was the first sign I was no longer myself. My trade for most of my life was graphic design. I was used to late nights to meet deadlines. Then as stress starting the flow of adrenaline, panic attacks would become common place, if I was asked to work late I'd start smashing telephones against the wall. Abusing staff. Tearing up important papers and setting fire to them in waste baskets. Then driving home so angry, speeding and then of course, the great car crash of 1999. I'm unemployable and retired. That brings new challenges. Retired. No longer needed by society. Next stop dementia and a retirement home. I'm a gloomy bastard.

 

gota ease them into the addiction while they are still young :/

bet your ass was sore after putting 10 boxes up there.
did you take them out of the boxes first?

 

I was always trying to get to the bottom of the origin of the word rectify. Now I know.

 

i used to have rage problems when i was a teenager. i dont know when they stopped, it was probably jus a hormone thing. i would punch through doors etc constantly.
im happy to hear you focus your anger on walls though, not your audio gear it stresses me out when i see friends lose their temper and destroy their gear :'(

 

double tap

 

I know that for a fact. For some unknown reason I'm always at the stupid side...

 

Yup, i hear ya, I did the very same.
Punching holes in doors n smashin shit up..
Then goin to a fukn child psychologist blah blah..
Gettin expelled from 4 schools etc etc

 

Ya Doughnut!!

My method of stealing em from a hospital wasnt to hide 10 boxes up my fukin Bunghole....hehehe!

I never used them, I got arrested walking back to my car.

That was in erm, oh yeah -wrexam park hospital-Slough..

 

harsh!! thats really unlucky :/