Mental Health Assistance

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by daniellondon, Jul 23, 2018.

?

Is there hope for me?

  1. Yes

    29 vote(s)
    80.6%
  2. No

    2 vote(s)
    5.6%
  3. FUBAR

    5 vote(s)
    13.9%
  1. daniellondon

    daniellondon Member

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    Mental masturbation. The scourge of the artist. I had the privilege of learning piano from the age of 7 BUT ADHD and mental masturbation got in the way. "Next year I'll make that hot record"... Oops "Maybe next year"..."Not yet? Oh maybe next year". And it's gotten to the point where I have around ten terabytes of samples, kontakt libraries, VST's because I'm at a point where I do ANYTHING (downloading, watching tutorials, reading techniques) apart from actually producing music in order to satisfy my ego. My lineage and inspiration is pop-esque Stargate mixed with Mr Hudson, Scott Storch but also an electronic twinkle of Steve Aoki and vibe of Major Lazor. Boy, when I sit down I can really bust a groove with my 10 terabytes worth of tools. BUT my ADHD and narcissistic personality disorder stops me from persevering. My frontal lobe executive function is fried. I'm now 23, have a 9-5 job and when I come home I mentally masturbate about the Grammy award winning producer that I could and should be and just download a few samples. Play a few notes. Then sleep. I've got the musical prowess of Max Martin and the audiological finesse of Serban Ghenea. But it's all stuck on top of a hill that my depression, ADHD, post traumatic stress disorder is preventing me from climbing. Deep inside I know I suck shit. So Instead of starting from the basics and maybe achieving something by the time I'm 30; I'm scared of appreciating how much time I've actually wasted. I got logoc pro when I was 14. And in all these years I probably haven't produced solidly for more than 10 hours. Come on broskis...give me those words of wisdom. There is a perfect blend of philosophers and a.s.s. holes on this site that I'm sure we'll reach a perfect equilibrium of troll bashing and useful input.
     
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  3. jhagen

    jhagen Producer

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  4. Seedz

    Seedz Rock Star

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    Wow.

    Fuck it all shagger, just try and enjoy yerself
     
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  5. mercurysoto

    mercurysoto Audiosexual

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    I guess you are describing everyone here at a higher or lower degree. At least, we've all (most certainly) been there. Speaking for myself, I'm always fighting writer's block, laziness, tiredness, fear of listening to my horrible mixes again and find even *more* flaws, self-worth, and so on. However, the way you put it, you might need to seek professional advice to help you get out of the hole, boost you up.

    I don't think we can beat that feeling. It's just a matter of keeping ahead. Like I once read, "Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us show up and do the work."
     
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  6. Army of Ninjas

    Army of Ninjas Rock Star

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    Just gonna point out the obvious... If that's your outlook, shouldn't you be producing music instead of making threads at a forum? :guru:
     
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  7. Ak3mi91

    Ak3mi91 Producer

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    My tips:

    - delete at least 9 out of these 10 terabytes,
    - chose your favourite 10-15 plugins and delete everything else,
    - download ColdTurkey/LeechBlock (Firefox add-on) and block sister site (or even whole web browser), so you can't use it for the majority of your free time,
    - just start, it's the hardest part.
     
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  8. midi-man

    midi-man Audiosexual

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    From what I heard ADHD can be an advantage. What I mean is that ADHD people can excel at certain task that other find redundant.
    No not everyone but it is a like music to certain ADHD people makes them better at it. I think it depends on what the ADHD person likes and entices there brain.
     
  9. El digital

    El digital Ultrasonic

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    You recognize your issue, that's very good.
    I agree with mercurysoto.
    I agree with Ak3mi91.

    And I understand you so well... It's a loop in which many of us are trapped in... You're not hopeless, you're just stuck for now.

    :mates:
     
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  10. johndoehizzle

    johndoehizzle Kapellmeister

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    set goals for yourself. ive been into music and doing music for a while now, been releasing stuff on somewhat pretty big labels. just recently got put on game with a BIG label and received a contract along with advance money. money isnt everything but its nice knowing a is taking care of its artists.

    with that being said, keep high goals alive n keep pushing. Ive experienced a gnarly near death car accident (where for some stupid reason i pictured it happening). thats when i started believing in 'the law of attraction' . look into it.

    stay positive and keep working on your music thing.raise the bar on yourself on every project whether it be music or general day-to-day duties.. compete against yourself and things will start falling into place. stay positive.

    ps: i have crazy anxiety, theres times where i cant sleep cause everything just replays itself. over and over. work on music,and try to complete it. the sense of completing something, standing back and listening to it, maybe even showing it off to people is the best thing ever; thats your own world , it really dont matter what people think. do it for yourself and youll be ok.

    also just want to add, i have tons of samples but at one point you have to give it a rest. it doesnt matter how much samples you have or instruments. its nice to collect. sometimes we collect more things than what we should so it all starts to cluster up. almost like storing things in a closet that you'll never use.

    it could also be writers block. go on walks to clear your mind off things, its not always about trying to come up with ideas. ideas come naturally when your mind is content.

    hope anything i said is of any help.

    good vibes,
     
  11. Zenarcist

    Zenarcist Audiosexual

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    It's best to avoid the Arizona sun on very hot days.
     
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  12. Suspension can be used as a subject.

    Sus.jpg

    Excruciating for you but exhilarating for the viewers. An uplifting experience for your fans.

    You want this from your art? Right?
     
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  13. Kwissbeats

    Kwissbeats Audiosexual

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    Invite someone over to make music with
     
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  14. T3NR@

    [email protected] Kapellmeister

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    WOW, just wow. 10 (TEN?!) TB worth of garbage? No wonder you can't do anything when you have such a bad case of hoarding. My total space for audio software in all forms is 25 GB and 44 GB worth of loop samples and no Kontakt (and similar plugins) and its libraries, waste of time and effort imo. Speaking from experience here, no amount of extra crap will get you anywhere, your desire to become a Grammy winner will most definitely block your musical flow, any end goal you set for yourself that is tied to making of music will NOT get you off your proverbial ass not ONE bit and will only serve to further tie you up in knots and tensions and anxieties about making music.

    I gave up on all that and just make music when I feel like it these days. Also what helped me was to look at any particular musical work as a living entity that is able to communicate. So I just "ask" what it wants to be and it just flows together. (No, I'm not Schizophrenic)

    It's a kind of philosophy, everything in life has an opposite and an ebbing and flowing between the two so it just hit me that looking at music as something stupid that you have to impose yourself on to turn it into something beautiful is a grave mistake. A better view, in my opinion, is that what you consider as simple or stupid music (randomly placed saw wave notes for example) is just miscommunication, like the spouting of nonsense of foreign language speaking people in respect to you. But when you get to a point where you make a song that is beautiful, it's the same as meeting a beautiful woman and having a lovely time chatting together or something. Depending on the theme of music, of course.

    Best of luck with your hoarding, dude. Hope you just delete it all and start from scratch.
     
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  15. SineWave

    SineWave Audiosexual

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    You have to break out of the vicious circle of reality by doing something completely different, then use this "boost" to be creative. The vicious circle will envelop you again at some point, and you just do the same again. If you manage to do that, the vicious circle will become smaller and smaller with each time you break it, and you will find yourself feeling better, and being even more creative.

    When I saw your post, I said to myself "that's me ffs". :rofl:

    A big part in the vicious circle is your dayjob. I couldn't do shit [literally] having a dayjob. Maybe you should try to get rid of it... chicken-egg problem kinda... you know best what's good for you. Not having a dayjob and becoming a freelancer did it for me bigtime. :wink:
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2018
  16. tidus1990

    tidus1990 Producer

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    Id start by reducing everything that you horded to a small manageable amount of samples, presets, etc. Get familiar with everything,eventually you'll make music that rivals our lost and beloved member Steve Faoki and Foster69. Secondly, stop watching tutorials and start applying what you've learned. Put in the work promise you that you will see results. If you truly aspire to do this professionally, welcome to the life full of insecurities. Hope you can take some of this and apply it. GL.
     
  17. voidSeeker

    voidSeeker Kapellmeister

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    What you described is called "Resistance" and anyone who tries to live a creative Life suffers from it. Read Steven Pressfields book, "Do the Work" and memorize the main precepts. Then do the work and don't stop...
     
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  18. daddytang

    daddytang Kapellmeister

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    Exactly....Great read btw.
     
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  19. hellxenn

    hellxenn Noisemaker

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    based on your description of yourself, i think your problem is pretty clear, your massive ego is in the way, you're worried that whatever you create has to be amazing or it wont be a good representation of you, this is absolutely the enemy of music making or any other creative pursuit, i had the exact same problem as you for years, then i started making songs as jokes and making songs for fun that i didn't really care about, those songs became the ones people loved most. you really have to let go of control and just do things that are fun and spontaneous, don't worry about the outcome.
    i would recommend making some joke/comedic songs, songs you don't care about, and try vastly limiting yourself in your song creation process (for example, make a song with one kick sample, one snare sample. one hi hat sample and one crash sample, one single bass preset and no more than 3 other vst presets, limit yourself to 3 minutes, a verse, a chorus and maybe a bridge and an intro, and dont release it. or, release it under a psuedonym and dont tell anyone about it. this is what got me out of my rut and it might help you too. i actually just read a good reddit thread about this same thing the other day...

     
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  20. gizmotech

    gizmotech Member

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    Gonna get a bit meta here, before giving you some how tos:
    • I feel like you might have lost your reason for making music. Why do you wanna do it? Why are you so interested in making music? Fame and money? These things not only come and go, but they have very little to do with talent and so much to do with being in the right place at the right time. Also, to get big in the music industry you need 2 things, a baseline level of talent that is above mediocre and consistency. Consistently staying on track (for years and maybe decades even) despite constantly facing rejection, failure, seeing people around you not as talented rise above you and consistently being in front of the faces of the people who have the power to help or inspire you. Figuring out ones needs to create music is imo, one of the keys to keeping them in their studio. For me, music is an art form and what inspires me to create is my love and passion to push the art form forward. (I fucking love club music, and the hype that I get from listening to great club music on a great sound system is unmatchable. That feel when I'm making a track and I know its a banger, then finishing it and playing it at a club or giving it to one of my friends to play in their sets, and then seeing the crowd go ape shit when it comes on. Damn, that feeling never gets old.)
    • Music from the highest to the lowest level is a community thing, it could online or irl, but community and culture are at its core. From the Detroit techno scene in the 80s to OWSLA to Brainfeeder to FWD to the Atlanta trap scene, everything started out from a group of like minded induviduals coming together. I don't have much experience with the online community aspect (forums like DOA and dubstepforums from way back come to mind) but, irl, find out other producers in your area, go to their gigs, have conversations. Go to local producer jams and beat battles, hang out where other producers hang out, try and partake in those activities with them, share workflows/production techniques/some of that 10 TB worth of samples that you've got. This will introduce an external factor of inspiration and compulsion for you to sit and focus on your own work. It might also humble you to see how much talent is actually around you.
    • Deadlines are at the core of finishing things. You might have a reason to make music, but now you also have a very specific reason and time frame to finish that track or piece. I remember the first time I ever finished a track was cos I wanted to give it to an artist I like, who was coming down from another city that weekend. A good way to get started with deadlines is taking part in beat cyphers (Like the monthly TeamSupreme one), online competitions and even the calls for compilations that you might see on this forum. The goal is not to win the competition or get selected for the cypher but is to have a set time frame and resource limitations within which you force yourself to work. The more your brain gets used to the practice of finishing, the easier it gets, and the easier it gets to finish a track, the more your brain can focus on actually creating great tracks.
    Apologies for being a bit rambly, but I hope this helps. Also, recommended watching:

     
  21. BaSsDuDe

    BaSsDuDe Guest

    There are many things that people overlook and a large part of that is because of the technological advances and social media mentality.
    TRULY, the person that matters most about what you think of yourself is YOU.
    That is followed by the handful of people you have in your inner circle, whether close friend(s) or family.
    Everyone is a critic and everyone has an opinion and some people have hidden agendas.

    if you believe you are a good person and doing things musically, emotionally and in all walks of your life to the best of your ability, then that appraisal is likely correct.

    It really does not matter what anyone else thinks, it is what you think of yourself that matters most. If you think about how many people in your life bring out the best in you and how how many people bring out the worst in you, even if some of those people are family, as hard as it is sometimes, it is a good thing to avoid all people that bring out the worst in you.

    Contentment is the ultimate aim. The people I have met that truly have this in everything they do, probably do not even know they have it and they do not talk about it. But the one thing they all have in common, is that they like themselves as people.
    This century is the century of selfies and "Look at me-me-me-me".
    It's actually not a good thing. If you look inside yourself as hard as looking in the mirror can be, the answers that are right for YOU, are there. :)
     
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