If you have ever been in a band and especially as the guitarist, then you will appreciate this narrative. If you haven't been you will probably giggle a bit also.

 

Might I add:

• Show up late, or not at all, for sound check.
• Expect to be able to borrow someone's amp or instrument because you refuse or can't afford to buy one of your own.
• Leave the gig immediately, disappearing incommunicado, without helping break-down and load-out equipment.
• Bitch about how little you were paid after a gig, even though everyone else was paid the same as you and didn't complain.
• Get a heroin habit, and sell-off your drumkit a piece at a time to support it, until you show up for practice with just a snare drum.
• If the only female member of the band, sleep with two or three male members (no pun intended), and make hell for the band leader because he's not interested in you that way.
• If a band leader, sit and sulk, or throw a tantrum, because your musicians aren't getting the phrasing, dynamics, and endings of your songs right, instead of your growing up and learning how to work with peopkle and/or trying to find better musicians.
• Start your own band on the side, in which you copy the unique arrangement of that cover song worked-up by your main band.
• Talk trash to others about your bandmates, because you know how musicians love to gossip and word gets back to people. You hand't really liked being in that band, anyway.

 

Also:

When you make a mistake, blame the drummer for playing too fast. Or the bass player for playing too loud.

 

Always blame the drummer everything as that's what they are there for.

Stand directly in front of the drummer so you need to keep turning up your amp and then blame the drummer for playing too loudly.

If you need to rent a van for a gig tell the drummer that he/she needs to pay extra because their gear takes up the most space.

 

Our drummer has a Hearse that he carries his kit in. Good thing as this is his kit... so far...

 

Oh yeah

He has a "few" good points!

 

...or you could just toss them out and do everything yourself!

 

Like this?

 

Number 3 and 10 brought back memories...

• Never come alone to a rehearsal. Although your band tries to pretend they're working hard, what they really like is a good party, especially close to a gig. So always invite your girlfriend, her friends and a couple of guys you just met on the street.
• Be the sound engineer. You are the one who knows your instrument. Whatever the sound engineer tells you, either ignore it or add some dB to it. It's only good if the knob is fully right.
• If you're working with foot pedal effects, challenge your band by not remembering the correct pedal. If they point you to it, say how little they know and that the 8th echo works great on this waltz beat.

 

Consistently bring in random homeless drunkards who know nothing about playing an instrument and proclaim to your band, "Check out this awesome (insert arbitrary instrument here) player!"
Now smile and watch their faces as you all (un)jam.

 

I love the bonus points. LOL

 

A bit curious!

Has any of you guys really played in an old fascioned kind of band?

 

I used to be in a heavy metal fusion band. Hard rock with hip-hop and reggae flavors. We all were all misfits in a way.
The guitarist was one of the best that I've ever know personally but was crazy as hell. Illumiati, ancient Egyptian aliens, big brother, he bought it all and was always trying to get us to read and follow him down that road.
Our singer was homeless lived on various different girlfriends couches but could Linkin park type, broken glass and barbed wire, SCREAM. Plus, he could freestyle rap battle anyone and win. So much charisma! Great tenor as well.
And our drummer was great, think slipknot with lots of double bass, but he had turretts. I was the bassist so I was always trying to stay in the pocket with his drums and fills. More than once we had to add an extra beat or 2 in the fills.
Me? I was always drunk. They used to yell at me for missing the one. My reply? "I didnt miss it, thats called funk! I come in on the 2" LoL
One time the singer was yelling at me again and the drummer took one of his crash cymbals off of its stand and chucked it captain america style at him and then immediately had a turrets attack. He missed.
We were a funny bunch for sure. We all hated each other a little but there was always the underlying love for the music that kept us all together.
Then the guitarist completely lost it and wouldn't come out of his house anymore and we let it fall apart....Still talk to all of them, but I miss that crazy band!

 

Last edited: Oct 29, 2016

More like this!

 

Currently in a band myself. We're primarily rock, but we dabble in a little bit of everything. We've got a reggae tune, dance stuff, hell, even a country tune. All originals so we don't gig out much. We're finalizing our CD right now which is why I spend so much time here as I was nominated to be the sound guy/recording engineer/soundman/.../.../... and so on. We don't really have an electronic component to us except for some triggered samples, and the drummer using triggers on the drums. Being on this site has made me really want to dig into some of the electronic music aspects such as beat making, samplers, synthesizers, etc. I got a cheap Yamaha keyboard to use primarily as MIDI input so I'd be able to experiment with it.
But I've got a long history of being in "traditional" bands, and funny as this thread is, I've had a lot of this stuff done in many a band I've been in. I've been in bands in Germany and the US, and musicians are cut from the same cloth no matter the nationality.

 

Of course. How else could we make fun of it?

Besides my own project I was singer in a rock/pop cover band. Our drummer was the most calmed and friendliest guy I ever met. I remember one time I played his drums on a simple song, because he had injured his forearm. His way of not telling me how bad I was? He said how fascinated he was that I kept the beat even after having made errors
Our lead guitarist was very much like the one @subGENRE described. Incredible talent, but odd outside of the guitar realm. Like telling us that he sees little insects that don't exist, when he's studying too long (no he never was on any drugs!).
Our second guitarist was my mate with whom I had my own project. We didn't even need to talk to understand each other. We just bandied looks.
Our bassist was a lawyer and didn't stop telling us how bad we could be sued covering this or that song. He even made us pay GEMA.
Keyboards were played by me or the second guitarist, whoever was more in to it.
Our best gig ever was a spontanous one. We got access to a mobile generator and -we live by the sea- decided to give a (unlicenced) concert at the beach. It was the best thing in my life. Until the police came.

 

Just saw this. Interestingly enough we were indeed at least 20 to 30 bpm faster on a gig than on rehearsel. Then we bought a digital metronome, programmed all speeds and let our drummer play with headphones to the metronome...

 

Oh yeah, another way to make the drummer hate you. Ask him to play to a metronome!

 

Someone once tried to explain it like the left and right side of the brain to me. When one side, the artistic side is over developed and nurtured, the other side, analytical and verbal, becomes lacking in a way. And the more gifted the artistic side, the more lacking in the development of the other. I have no idea how true this is, but there are sure a lot of examples throughout history. And, not only musicians but, most geniuses in general.

 

Last edited: Oct 28, 2016