@Smoove Grooves Man, you're kickin'! Thanks for these lovely stories. Bring back memories. Seriously thanks. Cheers!

 

I was a young bassist noob at the wedding of my bandmate's sister when we were asked to do a couple of songs... Needless to say, we were pretty drunk at the time of performance. Again, I was a bass noob, and I needed to play on six-string bass (I never saw one at the time). When realization kicked in (that I don't know which string is which) I quickly turned myself down and just tried to look cool.
When the sound guy realized that there is no Bass guitar in PA, he tried to troubleshoot the problem. Poor guy was running from amp to mixer, but the bass is nowhere to be heard... and I just noded that I don't know what the problem is.
After We finished, I turned volume up, and when the bass player picked the instrument, everything was fine... Miracle.

 

I most certainly do now and took the next opportunity to ask the fellow behind the board at the Pyramid Club how not to get beat up while rolling someone else's cable. However, one friend of mine never let anyone ever help him bug out after a show. Scotty G. had a need for absolute perfection exactly his way with the exact same wrap job every sing time they were rolled, as well as the precise order and placement in his case.

I was Technical Director of a theater for three years and do not miss one bit dealing with super heavy and thick lighting cable and the need to literally get high and cabbed up to the ceiling to do stuff in the rarified air of the aether. I just knew that I was going to die every time so when I could would pass off that duty to live another day.

 

I almost forgot I actually have one gig story. Not so funny as yours but anyways...

When I was like 11 (and my sis 13) my parents had the brilliant idea of buying us a very expensive Hammond organ. We went to a music school for two years and then played at this annual school music gig. My dad was proud, my mom nervous and my sis calm. I was straight cocky, like this:

So we arrive at the hall and the teacher says "Hi Xup, Suzie, dears, grab your music sheets and practice a bit". Oops...
I forgot mine's
Suddenly, my dad was nervous, my mom losing it and my sis head-shaking like "here he goes again". I was like this:

Fortunately I remembered the score by heart (like everyone else). But I was the only who played without it, so several people were impressed by my "self-confidence". And I was like this:

Well, at least until we left and the scolding began

 

Last edited: Jun 5, 2020

Around 20 years ago I played a few gigs on drums for the rapper Afroman. He had a MTV "Hit" with "Cause I got High". The gig was in Tupelo Mississippi, Elvis's birthplace. I found the venue and started setting up my drums and noticed two small keyboard setups on stage. I heard two kids running around the venue and the thought crossed my mind that Afroman had taught his kids the tunes. Turns out that was EXACTLY the case. At this point Afroman had tried to go the straight and narrow with Gospel rap music to get some custody time with the kids. He started out with some Christian raps and the place started clearing out. There was probably 400 people there in the beginning now it was down to 50 or less. Seeing that he was losing the audience he decided to go back to the vulgar raps (I fucked this girl in Mississippi) style stuff with 2 kids on stage. (probably under 6 years of age). By this point in his career he had cleaned up, shaved off the afro and was wearing a wig. He was also pouring out a 32oz. Colt 45 and pouring apple juice in the can. A friend wrote a rock tune about the evening. The gig was super surreal. Ive got a few more stories but I think this was the craziest.

 

This is when the good stuff begins

 

Then there was the time I was a playing a fish fry in Auburn Alabama and a lady walked behind me while we were playing and I felt her push my back. TURNS OUT SHE WAS TWERKING ON MY BACK! The band and crowd was howling laughing. I kept playing and she kept twerking on me for about 15 minutes.

 

@daddytang That sure is funny! I've had similar ones when drunk women get up on stage and dance around me.
And I have to stay looking cool as if I'm not bothered about her falling over my gear!

Okay mate. So you did eventually quote a good story, but I'm still calling you out! What else ya got? I'm sure there's more!
And so, with this next story, I'm hoping it's more up your street and will inspire you...

Big indoor gig, like 4 bands or something, and we were headlining.
We were given some chalets/porta-cabins to chill out in and change in, which was a novelty at that time of my work.
A woman of our fanbase really fancied me, so I asked the guys to give me a 5min call when it was time, and I slid off with Samantha.
I wanted to be proper rock 'n' roll, and she really wanted to perform felatio on me. Play the skin flute.
After this very enjoyable session, I suddenly recognise our opening song playing! Argh! Bastards.
So I quickly get it together and rush to the stage.
But onstage the lead vocalist/guitarist says on mic "Nice of you to turn up Smoove. Do your trousers up mate!"
Obviously audience laugh and love this.
Sooo embarassing. He really gave me a talking to after, and it didn't matter that the bass player and second guitarist 'forgot' to come and get me. My responsibility. But I was a kid really.
And my gosh, I was so exhausted throughout that whole gig. She drained me!
Never again. At least before playing.
Best wishes to Samantha from Birmingham, UK. x

 

Not my gig, but working stage security for my friend producing The Ramones at Brooklyn College. The show is over and the band isn't hanging around after they walk off...kinda except for Dee Dee, the last one to get outta Dodge as he is so fucked up that he literally face plants the Strawberry Shortcake in their dressing room and nearly suffocates. Their manager pulls his head out, cleans him a little bit off and then drags him out of the venue and into the limo waiting to haul them away. I go to the side of the stage laughing with my friend about what we just witnessed. Just then this really cute girl asks me if I could let her go into the band's dressing room and that she'll do ANYTHING if I let her pass. I tell her that They already have come and gone but she doesn't believe me even though I assure that I'm speaking the truth. She offers to give me head right then and there in the wings, my buddy splits, and I am the recipient of a truly wonderful gift. I let her pass, and as she gets to the closed door adjusts her hair and smoothes out her shirt, opens the door only to see a messy room and a flattened out cake amongst the not touched cold cuts trays, empty paper cups and paper towels on the floor. As she huffs on past me I say not a word.

Forgive me, I was a 21 year old and my libido was perpetually like a raging volcano.

 

Only just seen that @Lois Lane! That's naughty. But she was obviously a bit stupid, so hey.

Just been told this one by a friend:
He was doing lights for a matinee performance of AC/DC.
He desperately wanted to talk to Lemmy for any reason.
After the performance, my friend says to Lemmy "Hey, great gig man!".
To which Lemmy looks down at his watch and responds "Nearly 2 o'clock mate".

 

Last edited: Nov 4, 2020