Hi and thanks for reading.
I've written a song based on 5 years living in The Centre. It's in the tradition of Reed and Dylan but I hope it stands boldly on its own two feet. Non native English speakers may struggle with the lyrics but any feedback is welcome. Concerned the guitar loop doesn't alter for the length of the song. The lyrics are pretty dense so I hope the unvarying 16 bar repeat loop gives the listener a good bedrock to focus on the words.
It's an epic 10.50 so please be warned it's not for those who like 3 min love songs.

 

Listening to it, I thought more about "The Man in Black" (Johnny Cash) than about Dylan or Reed...
The melody reminds me also Leonard Cohen, there is a little bit of "Suzanne" hidden in your notes... And it's a good thing, as it brings a lot of sensitivity and sincerity.

Unfortunately, your voice is most of the time... out of tune (sorry, but it's just the truth), IMHO needs to be reworked, possibly with the help of a voice professional, to adjust precisely some of your notes. Spoken words or phrases are OK, I don't talk about these, only about the melodic parts.

This kind of work of precision is very, very important, if you want that your message, your emotions, could pass the barrier of the sound, and even the language barrier.

One note also about the mix: The voice level is not well balanced with the other instruments, you need very precise levels adjustments, and to add (discrete) effects, like reverb (+ducking), compression, transcient, de-esser, etc... In other terms: you need to work (and think) about your mix more deeply, more professionally.

At 5:23 (and also at other moments of the song) there's a drummer "glitch", ie the drummer lose the tempo and the reprise of the rhythm is not as precise as it should be, here again there is (great, interesting ->) work to do on the rhythm section, to reach a minimum of quality.

 

Last edited: Jan 22, 2023

Hi @Lee, your song sounds so beautifully human and alive. I like your song very much.
You bring the analog feeling back to the digitalized sounding world.

 

Amore:
Thanks for your thorough reply. Yes, yes and shamefully yes boody again. My worse than Dylan croak. I will definately get to work on pitch correction. And full 10/10 points for the Suzanne connection. It wasn't there consciously. I recognised the link later on and did my best not to mirror it too conspicously.
I'll also consider tracking down a vocalist who can nail the song and give it the 'integrity' it requires. I'll dwell on your comments about the mix. It's a dilemmea as a songwriter working in the sticks in Far Northern Ozland- no musicans to meet who have the expertise or understanding to cough up the goods I require. I've tried Soundbetter but with mixed results- maybe I'll give it another crack. Knowing the right levels for a upbeat song so you get the right ratio AND keep the words easily graspable is a real art.
I'll also get to work on the rhythm section. I apologise for the glitches - I knew the drums weren't as good as I wanted but I'd spent so many days working on the piece I needed feedback to know I was actually heading towards a song that deserved all this hard work. If you'd like any feedback to your own stuff, please link me to your some tracks. Once again much obliged.
Beat16:
Thanks, hombre. Yeah, as you can hear I'm not a digital whiz kid and have the warts and diamonds of the analogue world all over me.

 

Hey @Lee, no need to justify (or apologize) for absolutely anything, I heard your song full of emotion (even if unfortunately I have difficulties to understand your lyrics, I felt that it contains important things for you), I saw a real potential there, and just told you technical remarks, things to think about for the future and to discuss about with other musicians / tech persons so that you can have a general, simple picture of what you could do, with your own, limited means, to improve the impact of your song.

Youtube can be a great source of tutorials or tips to improve your technics, in general it's what I do when I don't know or don't master something. An example: 2 months ago I decided to buy an electric cello (!). I had absolutely no idea on how to play this thing, no competence concerning this kind of instruments, so I DLed a lot of video tutorials and simply started to try to learn this - really strange - instrument of torture!

...and it's difficult as hell, but I have a clear goal in my head: for the intro of one of my songs, I found no samples library that was able to play the melody I imagined exactly as I want, with the intonation and articulation I want, so I simply accepted the idea that unfortunately I will have to play it myself for real, at least if I want to express and realize the completely crazy idea I have in my head since longtime. I'm not there, far from that... yet! I just know one thing for sure:

Technics is just that : technics. It haves absolutely no value if you don't have a real, interesting, sincere material and intention, something that you want to communicate, to share with others and be proud of. Technics is shit, song is gold.

 

I like the song a lot, the lyrics as well as the chord and song structure.

The recording and mix itself could be improved, but I'll take it as a good start as a demo until you get that vocalist.

 

What you're doing is interesting, I found much in it to appreciate and be intrigued by. I don't see many people posting songs here that have 10 minutes of lyric going on, which in and of itself gives you a spot that's pretty much all your very own

Some suggestions.. First, since it seems clear your lyrics are probably intended to be the main selling point, I would make a .pdf lyric sheet available. I'm catching some, but not all of the words. I would think in order for people to fully evaluate what you're doing, and your skills, it would help to see and hear all of the lyrics.

I notice some people commented about you bringing in a singer. No intention to offend, but your singing work on this recording leaves a bit to be desired. Here's the thing though, I'm not sure the answer is bringing in a different vocalist. These sound like very personal, introspective lyrics, and I'm not sure a singer that didn't write those words will do them justice. Besides, for a long time the music biz has been hard wired to have people writing these sort of lyrics do their own singing.

I think you could do the singing, but it would probably involve going for some training. I would hope the training would at least in part focus on getting you to let go of the 'Dylanisms' in phrasing and nuance. As a total, lifelong, Dylan freak, I'm hearing them all over the place in your performance. Holding on to those affectations will lead people to quickly tune you out thinking you're just some Dylan imitator. If you can let go of the Dylan nuances you'll probably start singing in whatever your own voice is anyway.

So let go of the Dylan phrasing, try to find your own voice, and along with your interesting lyrics you may get some people noticing what you're doing. Good Luck!

 

Thanks , guys (and possible gals and in betweeners) . So much informed and heartening feedback. Apart from the REALLY wise advice I’ve gotta say the electric cello story tops it all. Learning how to play such an instrument just for an opening shows such dedication it’s genuinely inspiring. A lot to consider and respond to. Will get round to exploring best most realistic options for improvement. Hope any appraisals I can offer to your own productions is as good as the gold you’ve channeled my way.

 

Much obliged to all those members who gave their time to listen to Jig. Here are the lyrics. One or two notes –

• undies is a slang term for underpants in Australia,
• Lonely Planet are the travel guidebooks for travellers on shoestring budgets published in from the 70s and 80s,
• tjilpi is a reasonably familar term from the Pitjantjatjara /Pintupi language groups of the Western Desert- it means 'old man'.

 

LL
Glad the song appealed to you (vocal warts and all). Judging by members' comments it seems the piece carries itself to it's epic end without asking too much of the listener.
In the coming months I'll be working on the mix - with I hope some rich collaborations with AS members- and come back with something thatfulfills the song's potential.

 

BJ
Appreciate your insights and kind words. Yes, you fit the nail on the head – the lyrics are the main drawcard. As everyone's hearing loud and clear I don't cut it as a singer. My aim currently is to produce high-quality demos that I can give to the right band and or singer who can then bring my musical ideas to fruition. In fact, I am preparing a collection of short stories, flash fiction, spoken word pieces and songs for publishers this year after completing a mentorship with a highly-regarded literary organisation.

Please find attached the PDF with lyrics.

I agree with you that it's better to work with a dedicated not-so-accomplished singer who understands the feelings and views of a song rather than some pitch perfect dolt or hired gun. This song is very personal and who knows? perhaps if I applied myself over the next two years exclusively to my singing I could pull the job off. Unfortunately, singing isn't my primary focus – writing and creating songs and writing fiction is. See, I'm stuck in the sticks and face-to-face encounters with talented and reliable artists with integrity is rare as hens' teeth. That doesn't mean though that I am not willing to push myself and, with the help of discerning pitch correction and quality feedback move away from the Dylan dropouts and find my own voice to carry the song from beginning to end. I would despair if people – as you say – would 'tune out' - because they'd hear me as a Dylan clone. It's one thing to be influenced by a singer and another thing to be a trashy imitation.

PS I'm a tough and sensitive son of a bitch – got the hide of a rhino and the belly of a butterfly so you don't have to worry about offending me. I think the worst offence you can possibly give anyone is dishonesty or useless pussyfotting.

So, fulsome thanks.

 

I'm not seeing the 'attached pdf' anywhere... Is something on my computer blocking it??? Maybe message me a copy or a link to download it if you can, it would be fun to check it out.

I don't think you'd need to 'apply yourself over the next two years exclusively to your singing' to make the needed corrections. It's not as difficult or trying as you may think it is. Remember, for certain genres of music being a trained, picture perfect type of singer isn't really a requirement. When Dylan started out no one thought of him as a 'singer', but he did just enough to allow the words to come through. Same with Springsteen -- many people I know thought he couldn't sing for beans but were attracted to his lyrics, and he didn't let his singing ability get in the way of delivering those lyrics. That's the goal for your genre of talent. What you need to locate is how to get your words across without the singing getting in the way.

On the sister site there's a ton of voice lesson videos, you could start there and see if it helps, but I think when you're just beginning with voice training it can really help if you locate a local voice teacher for one-on-one lessons since they can help with errors in breathing technique that it's hard to get from a video lesson. A few months of it, you'd probably be on your way.

As for the Dylanism's in your vocal approach, try this and see if it helps.... take a music-only (no vocal) mix of your song. Start out with a section of it, line by line, just speaking, not singing, the lyrics. Then try singing one line at a time. With each line stop, then ask yourself if you're doing your own thing or is Bobby D looking over your shoulder? If he is, then change the delivery of that single line trying to just be yourself. In other words, consciously omit the Dylan phrasing, line by line, until you locate something of your own for that one line at a time. I know, it probably sounds like a very tedious, no fun, approach. But if you do this for awhile, maybe just a few months, you may begin to drop the Dylan affectations and come up with something of your own that rises up to the quality of the lyrics you're writing, which to me at least, sound very good.

Hope that helps, don't forget to point me to this lyric download you mentioned. Thanks!

 

What you need to locate is how to get your words across without the singing getting in the way.
Helps tremendously.

 

Last edited: Jan 25, 2023

Thanks for posting the lyrics! I'll have to check it out tom'w, it's 4:30AM in my neck of the woods

 

Go for it. Get some shut eye and return like a helluva talented kraken

 

Singing lessons is an option I'll consider. Yeah, sis site is loaded with many fine instructional goodies and with a very discerning eye I may be able to dig up a good teacher online. My Soundbetter experience though has not been a reassuring one sooo let's see. The pool of good local teachers here in my throttled neck of the woods is extremely limited. Your suggestion sounds solid. I have no aversion to the painstaking approach as it's much the same one I use with writing and editing. Zero in on the molecular and build your way to the stellar. The great thing about your advice is I can use it to distinguish the insightful from the average singing teachers I audition. I can quiz them "Do you have any ideas how I can shake Bob off my back?" Talking of Bob , here's something I hope you get a giggle from

 

Cool lyrics! Not much new to add except to chime in on lose the Dylanesque inflections and sing it like YOU would. That had the same effect on me as someone singing a reggae tune with a fake Jamaican accent. Vocal timings could use a bit of work also. Good tune otherwise. Keep it up!

 

Much obliged, LE. Yr comment about singing a raggae tune with a fake J accent has pushed me over the edge. Anyone know if I can contact the spirit of Nina Simone and hit her up for a few lessons?

 

I represent Nina, and any and all her post mortem recording endeavors, music hall haunting contracts and yes, theory and singing lessons which seems to be of interest to you and which all must go through me. Please DM my assistant @Xupito and we can make an appoint where we can talk about it.

Do you have representation? I'm taking on new clients.

 

Last edited: Jan 25, 2023

Funny. I think Nina would hear one sung syllable out of my maw and whack me till next Tuesday. I contacted local music school tonight and will screen possible teachers using the $64 mill question supplied by Bennett J. Thanks to all those who kicked me into action.