Finally got around to playing with ur track. I did a lil thing, but got busy. If u want me to finish it i guess I could, or if u wanna arrange it, i can send u the Ableton files. i only used your sounds, I didnt add anything, but i do use a few outboard effects (like FabFilter EQ).

 

Last edited: Jan 16, 2023

Wow, that sounds sexy! Please send me the files. I am curious what you did!

 

kick is weak, percs not really punching through,not enough variation on the sequences, all sounds flat in my opinion.

 

listen to more music

 

Last edited: Jan 16, 2023

Thanks for the feedback. It truly sounds like night and day. But the track was done in maybe 2 hours and i dig a lofi sound.
But i guess in a club my track would send the people fleeing of the dancefloor, lol. But it's a WIP...if i ever continue it.

 

keep going with it, just needs some more work, never give up, take a few days off it and try something else you never know,

 

And yet another try:

edit: the kick still sucks...

 

Last edited: Jan 16, 2023

in the above remixes the acapella is totally our of sync, that plus the fact that the acapella is out of key it becomes a bit too much to pass i think

 

Mine

 

Mine is not out of key, although i did take creative liberties with the vocals. true they were wildy out of sync when he sent me the stems, but i nudged them to create a more coherent rhythm. I dont know the original tempo of the vocals and theyy were already pretty... lazy I think. so i did what I could.

 

Your (excellent) voice sounds like you was a zombie eating deliciously bleeding fresh brain meat... Wow!
You (or the singer) seems to have a certain sense of acting, and it incredibly made me listen carefully to the entirety of your song, despite the fact that I'm absolutely not an EDM guy!
Just for that, I'd say: "bravo!".

Just a remark, it's supposed to be a House song, right? IMHO, it misses an indispensable ingredient to be called "house": a BIG 808 / analog bass line!
It doesn't have to be present all the times of course, and you could manage some surprises but... the low end feels empty without it!

Even if you labeled it "experimental", I think you could invent something to satisfy the low end needs without sacrificing anything nor make any compromise with your artistic intention and originality.

But overall, I really appreciated the ambiguity of the ambiance, and the work on the lyrics, once again, bravo!!!

(I talk obviously about the version in the first post, the only one I really appreciate, you should keep it and work exclusively on this one, without changing the levels, which are excellent, just add a good, intermittent bass line, and that's all!)

(note: the voice could seems "out of tune", but in this case, it's a quality! Because this voice is not song, but acted (like in a movie), and you should keep it exactly like it is, perhaps in reinforcing the "lo-fi" aspect, like the voice of a 1940' actress speaking through a very old television, in a black and white horror movie?!)

 

Last edited: Jan 20, 2023

Mix wise - some parts seem too boomy, even on my bass-light monitors, there are too many dissonant notes in your loops - are your loops even in the same key? vocal seems to not care is out of sync with the rest of the track, and some sounds get irritating very quickly - e.g. the clarinet sound at 0.47.

Having said all that, I wouldn't choose to listen to this genre anyway so this could be the "bees knees" to those with different tastes to mine.