Criticize please! I need motivation to finish this.

Discussion in 'DJ Mixsets' started by Peter Verity, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    Hip hOpiate
    https://audibleesoterica.box.com/s/9xg840nco8rfgz4yt2wdq3yp9l15hgpf

    Okay, honesty time, I mixed other peoples songs for a short period at "Gatherings" this is pretty much the first thing i have created by myself that has been anywhere near finshed. Long story short I was robbed, lost my laptop, my books i was writing, equiptment, and my fianće to polyamonry behind my back. so its been hard to find motivation and confidence, so be harsh, be nice, be anything with your comments. I'm hoping something will rekindle my dwindling flame that im keeping alive by constantly striking a flint onto damp wood.

     
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  3. Seedz

    Seedz Rock Star

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    Its interesting and pretty well mixed, but it doesn't really go (or take me) anywhere. Maybe longer and move it towards a destination?

    Don't try to force the ideas/music to come, just think about it for a while and let it simmer, one day it'll happen.

    If this is the first thing you've done I'd be chuffed, and I'd guess that there is a talent there waiting to be developed....hang in there.
     
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  4. artwerkski

    artwerkski Audiosexual

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    Sorry to hear that man, but fact is; you're here pitching for some critique. Thats awesome and ergo; the worst is probably behind you. Hang tough, rebuild, one stone at a time.
    As for the song, it's a bit short to give it a proper going but as @Seedz said, mix is fine. I like it, taste wise. Keep on it. :winker:
     
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  5. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    thank you, i had an idea floating in my mind about if hip hop was an opiate, and thats where it got me, im not really sure where i should lengthen it, if i were id want to redo the whole thing, and im afraid i might lose that drowing in opiates idea thats in there somewhere. and now i have to look up chuffed lol yay learing!
     
  6. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    thank you for the input, hip hop being an opiate felt pretty abstract in my brain and i wasnt sure how to, and where to extend specifc parts without them feeling drawn out. it feels like to me this is a sketch with my idea, and i dont really feel like an artist, just an enthusiastic perfectionist with a strange brain full of wierdness
     
  7. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    oh and i do have a few more ideas of things ive made, but me saying this is the only polished thing ive done makes the others to me feel like meerely a whistle, ill post one of my ideas, its about a. gu6 arguing with his own sleep deprivation, did it while being extrememly tired. I guess you can be the judge, its MUCH longer than the other, but i ask that headphones be worn so it can achieve its intended feel (i think maybe another issue i could use help with)
    disclaimer:there are many errors and its sloopy, as i only played it once through while recording and never touched it again.
    cordial conversations with sleep deprivation
    https://audibleesoterica.box.com/s/9sg0fp8ttmiqnanv52m0k281w86k2nmn
     
  8. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    and as far as the woman, i guess i learned that you truly cant turn a hoe into a housewife ~_~
     
  9. realitybytez

    realitybytez Audiosexual

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    i don't like your hair.
     
  10. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    lol dont know what happened with it, i fell into a nintendo one day and it was like that
     
  11. Herr Durr

    Herr Durr Guest

    isn't that michael jackson moonwalking just before his hair burst into flames? :bleh:
     
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  12. eboe

    eboe Producer

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    I like the mood and I start to play some funky wah riffs on my guitar ... go back to work!
    Cheers
     
  13. thethirdperson

    thethirdperson Producer

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    Hip hopiate is fantastic! Just keep going with the idea that it needs to go somewhere, start throwing in a proper chord progression with some pads and see where it takes you. Really like the abstractness of it all though, I've been really hooked on funky downtempo stuff and this is right up my alley =)

    As for the rest of life, I am so sorry that all of that shit happened to you. Keep your head up <3
     
  14. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    thank you again everyone, i truly appreciate it, you guys and your honesty helps dissolve my low self esteem, and helps me to battle my perfectionism to where i feel comfortable sharing my music.
     
  15. I like what it is so far, that opiate is hip hop hapnin'. The bits where things drop by the wayside pique my I interest and tease me into singing something to make up for the lost weight. I would love to hear a little shakeup from the dingly melody as it began to beg for change. Do you play guitar or harmonica? If you do, throw sumptin in there that will breathe for you, that wind knocked out of your sails vibe. I'll kick in the harmonica if you want to express the gut wrench. What key is this? No mind, whatever it is I can bump it up or down with a plug.
     
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  16. famouslut

    famouslut Audiosexual

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    Y'know opinions, but it's quite nice. The "dingly melody" is only quite annoy, it sounds a bit liek some news @ 6 melodrama announce theme, except slowed down. Beat is too metronome 4 my sucky taste. Liek ppl said, nice enough mix etcs, quite nice sounds, (even UFORB =) Liked teh rattly scratchy string bits & bass. Was expect silence except just (spd up) breakbeat 4 a bar or 2 > return; instead of just add / subtract layers. Also lil comping, maybe lil jazz? But, y'know, opinions.
     
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  17. muaB

    muaB Producer

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    what the fuck man? i think its story time!

    what happened?

    your girlfriend stole all your stuff???
     
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  18. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    well, ugh :( my girlfriend/ fiance at the time got pregnant, she was cheating on my but i found out it was mine, she then said she wanted time apart so i gave her space to think about what she wanted. going back and forth from having here live with me until one day she tells me she want to have an abortion, which i didnt want because i felt like my daughter was already talking to me from within the womb, so when she asked me to come with her i did hoping to convience her not to and to tell her that i would raise the child myself and she wouldnt have to see her, she was pretty far along... so she came and picked me up, i was with all my equipment cause i was working on a few tracks and writing my books and needed the distraction incase i couldnt convience her to let me raise my child. so in the ghetto of San Franscisco we arrive at the hospital and i fail to convience her, i cry outside the whole time until its time to leave. we stopped at a drugstore pharmacy so she could get her medication, it was approximately 4pm in a horrible area, i was leary of a parked car next to us so i wanted to wait in the car but she convinced me to go in with her, the line to fill the prescription was long so i went to have a smoke, check the car, and talk to this homeless kid who reminded me of myself, being that i was homeless at his age (he was black and had awesome dreadlocks and said he really like my long hair, it was the first smile i had all week) within the 3 minutes it took to walk in and back out the back window was smashed and only my bags were gone, her purse was there and so was her bag of shake that was right next to bags that had my entire life in them. And when she saw she cried over her broke window, she didn't even give a shit that i had just lost everything, all my books, my music (100s of hours of mixes, mine and other producers, we were sharing my laptop for all the shows we were doing, and saving everything to my hard drive because it was all in the wilderness, no wiif)and most importantly my unborn daughter. And come to find out soon after, that she didn't even get the prescription slip signed by the doctor, so she didn't even get her medication. So thats why its been so hard for me to do anything, i haven't started writing my books again at all, i barely have motivation to make music or even share what little i attempt to create, and i will never forgive myself for losing my daughter, i think about her every single day. Hell i don't even think i will trust another woman again, let alone ever chance getting another girl pregnant and having that happen again, i may never allow myself to even put my dick inside another girl, even with a condom. So now you know what happened.
     
  19. Best Answer
    All the more reason to begin completely fresh, born anew with the rules of the past far, far behind you. You are in your power, crouched and like a spring, your energy coiled and looking for release. Let it flow, and soon the first tentative trickles of your creative force will again begin to run deeply. It will take the form of self renewal, and you will find newfound strength and sense of purpose. It is happening now even as you read this. Your daughter cherishes the love she feels from you, and that your love will help propel her into her next life, to enable her to show love that she will now love in return. Create new art, new books new music. It is all there right and now in front of you waiting patiently for you to notice it. Breathe, then breathe again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2016
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  20. Peter Verity

    Peter Verity Member

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    Thank you for your kind and motivational words, i don't have family to say things like that to me. You just reminded me that my creativity has always been there, and in a way I'm feeling like a phoenix now slightly, one that was previously refusing to be reborn by living in the rubble of my past, but what you said has reminded me that i can be reborn again. I had ignorantly thought my well of insipration had dried and that my creativity had died because my focus and feelings that i previously let flow into all my art has been dwelling solely in the perspectives of pains and losses. What you said about my daughter, that means more to me than i can express, I had not thought of that, I have only been destroying myself over losing her. I guess it is time to breathe again. Thank you..... There needs to be more kindhearted people in this world.
     
  21. famouslut

    famouslut Audiosexual

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    In future, make sure u put ur stuff in the trunk. This also applies 2 leaving stuff in cars =)
     
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