Hey guys.

Just reaching out to commiserate (maybe?) with anyone else who's going through, gone through or about to go through the loss of their life-partner or wife.

For me, it was just last month, December 29, 2025. I can't believe it some days. It's so painful and there are no groups active in the area for chat-ups that I can see. And so, relating to the musical creatives all up in here, I thought, why not ask if there are any guys like me right now - going through the tough stuff of losing their cherished wife or partner of many years?

Things I think we can discuss:
1. First things you did after the passing
2. Ways you coped WISELY that could be helpful to others and how you plan to cope (if recent bereavement)
3. How you navigate the feelings of relief (esp. after caring through a prolonged illness) and loss
4. How you plan to not be 'taken' by rip off artists, banks, debt collectors, relationship predators/vultures and others who might seek to take advantage
5. How your views on life, death and other things might have changed.

I think we can be wonderfully supportive and civil here. We shouldn't opt to mock those who put their faith in a god ... and those who don't. Let's just share the burden
"We're one, but we're not the same
We've got to carry each other, carry each other"
~ U2

 

I cant relate directly, but I did lose my dad to cancer on dec 6th. I cannot answer your questions but I would recommend getting some sort of professional therapy/grief counseling before I would recommend taking the advice off of an internet forum, at least personally. There is a reason politics is a no no on this forum- some people have wacked out ideas here. Turns out being a musician doesnt mean you cant be crazy. Perhaps it helps even.

Just wanted to say that before someone recommends you take Kratom to help with things. Or whatever else. I had a user who i won't name send me a dm about how my dad should be taking ivermectin for his blood cancers. Maybe youll have better luck, but your mileage may vary here with advice.

Im terribly sorry about your loss. Hang in there.

 

I just can say there is always someone around you to take your hand if you ask for it. Even strangers, just sharing a smile.

My own father lost my mother years ago, and lost (again) another wife some years later ... yes, it happens ... Both blood cancer.
He read a lot of books, and try to "understand the world", discuss with me ...
But it was later in the process of "finding himself again".

My spirit is with you, as much as i can.
I have a song for you (and others) :

I really hope your wife is running like this girl, in Paradise like a wolf in the woods

 

Last edited: Jan 7, 2026 at 10:40 PM

I would recommend finding different methods to honor them in your life.
It could be something as simple as playing their favorite music, or movie. It can be something more serious, like trying to live up to a standard they lived up to or aspired to live up to. Understand that even though a loved one has passed away, they can still live through you. My grandmother was very wise, and she eventually died. My mother who was very close with her would quote her all the time with me; wasnt until my own mother passed away, I realised that she was both honoring her and keeping her mother alive within herself.

 

Last edited: Jan 7, 2026 at 11:56 PM

my condolences my friend, i 'm so sorry for your loss. you honor them every day with the way you carry yourself through this world

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

Last edited: Jan 8, 2026 at 4:59 AM

Shit. I ain't got much to say except I'm deeply sorry man. Fuck.

 

I noticed you tagged the thread 'depression', I would start with avoiding alcohol although some will disagree. You can spiral out of control quite easily with alcohol, just something I would avoid. Meditation is very good, because it keeps you grounded in the present moment, and when you're grounded in the present moment its difficult for altered states of consciousness (like sadness/depression) to overwhelm or influence you. It creates a space between you and the sadness.

 

Last edited: Jan 8, 2026 at 6:11 AM

I lost my wife 5 years ago to Pancreatic cancer. I am not gona say sorry for your loss because I know it doesn't help.
I know the pain and wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
After my wife passed I somehow reestablished a connection with a friend of mine whom I hadnt spoken with in years. Last time I had seen him we were getting stoned after work jammin to music.
12 years later turns out he had joined the army, served couple tours in middle east, and was now a drill instructor. Totally surprised me because would have never guessed.
But he told me what they do in combat to handle it.
He told me:
"Stay busy. Every second you can. Downtime is your enemy. Sleep when you can, but stay occupied every moment."
This was the best advice anyone has ever given me in my life.
I dont know if it will help you but I hope it does.

 

Thanks so much! I'm doing okay actually and have a great support network. Thanks for your concern. And I am a kratom guy myself, actually (but that's for chronic pain). It is not a panacea, that's for sure! Appreciate you time/thoughts! Take care!

 

Hi there bro! That's really good advice from your friend. That's EXACTLY what I'm doing. Thanks to a fairly extensive network of friends, church folks and family, I'm actually getting through this as best or better than I was figuring. Learning to feel again (the sad stuff) rather than block it out was tough. But I want to feel rather than allow my (former) sociopathic levels of 'cool' keep me from getting through this healthily. So sorry for your loss too. How long was she sick? My wife was in pain for a year and a half and it was all a mystery until a month before she died. So weird, surreal that!

Take good care brother! Chat me up any time k?

 

your profile image is crazy coincidence.
After my wife passed I started an online store selling knives and other weapons and accessories. The logo for it was that AE symbol. It stood for After Everything.
I dont do it anymore as I've moved on to other endeavors but still, crazy coincidence.

 

My friend, I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re truly honoring them every day with the way you’re handling this.

 

I have not lost a wife, as i have not been married, but I have lost an ex, as well as way too many close friends.

1. First things you did after the passing

Cried, and then basically nothing. Like not even trying to work, or pretending to be ok etc. just putzing around the house, cleaning, organizing junk drawers, going through old photos and such. Do whatever feels best for you, there is no right or wrong answer, just try and do things that won't lead to harm or more bad feelings (drinking, doomscrolling etc). Get outside if you can, go on strolls through the park or light hikes etc.

2. Ways you coped WISELY that could be helpful to others and how you plan to cope (if recent bereavement)

same as above. Abstain from drugs, alcohol or anything that could have a negative impact on your life. Practice meditation, if you don't meditate, now's a great time to start. Make sure to keep moving as much as you can. Its ok to be still, reflect, but don't let that become the norm. Light exercise, gardening, stroll at the beach and so on. With a loved one or solo, whatever feels right. Therapy is a good one, or just talking with someone trusted. I say this with great caution, and should not be taken lightly, but psychedelic therapy therapy can help immensely. Not immediately, but down the road, with a professional.

3. How you navigate the feelings of relief (esp. after caring through a prolonged illness) and loss

this one is hard. I don't have an answer, but i do know that it is ok to feel these feelings. Its natural to.

4. How you plan to not be 'taken' by rip off artists, banks, debt collectors, relationship predators/vultures and others who might seek to take advantage

I have not had to deal with this, but I would imagine just give it your best, control the things you can and accept the things you cannot control. Again, avoid substances so that you have as clear of a head as possible. Develop a game plan. I know its dumb, but maybe use chatGPT or some other LLM to help you develop a game plan and formulate a check list for you to go over. Reach out to a professional if needed.

5. How your views on life, death and other things might have change.

I got deeper into a spiritual practice, as well as changed some priorities in my life and who / what i give attention to. A book that greatly impacted me is The Journey of Souls - by Dr Michael Newton, as well as Many Lives Many Masters, by Dr Brian L Weiss.

Sending you love and strength, I will keep you in my prayers and meditations in the coming weeks. Always here in messages if needed.

 

Hi,

I just happened to catch your post and wanted to reach out as soon as I saw the title. If you need anyone to talk to, you have a friend here who will listen and since this is an audio related site, maybe get to chatting about music production as well While I have not lost a partner, I did lose my father just before the pandemic hit and it has been very tough on me and my mother and we discuss it quite often. Some days it feels like a bad dream and he isn't really gone... he's just out there, somewhere. Sometimes I wonder if that is just a useful coping mechanism. But maybe it is also because, for a little while, he was floating in and out of hospital.

Something I learned... if you are highly sensitive, as I am, then it absolutely helps to NOT bottle it up but actually immerse yourself in it for a time. Soul searching, lyric writing, reflective journaling, attending bereavement groups, and so on. I had to work through my loss and talking about it helped immensely. I told anyone who would listen tbh and they were Angels for listening... all of 'em


It's funny you should mention that book... it has been recommended to me a few times before.
I should probably carve out some time and give it a proper read.

So please, I do mean it... if you need someone to talk to, I am all ears here.

Take care.

 

My wife was sick for a few months before we found out. She had a history of health problems some more in her head than others. Then when she didn't start feeling better I started really listening and started looking up what it could be. the results of my investigation had my concerned so I suggested we go get her looked at. She knew it was a bad sign because I HATE doctors and hospitals. like if there isnt a bone sticking out II probably aint goin. So when I suggested it she already knew what I knew and that it wasn't good. She got diagnosed in May, was on home hospice the rest of her life under my care till she passed in October.

While she was sick I had to keep it all together for her. Be strong yada yada. She had an adult daughter who was living with us who was not much help as far as providing any kind of emotional support or otherwise.
I compartmentalize well. I always have. I dont think that is a sociopathic behavior. But I know that, although I knew she was going to die, I gave absolutely zero thought to what I would do after she did.

I spent about two months working on a song for her and some other music too. Then in January my best friend of 30 years died suddenly. And that pretty much destroyed me. I went on a walkabout so to speak after that. I wandered the country for a few months before ending up at a friends in Texas.

I had intended to just stop for a day or so and shower and rest a bit, but right after arriving ,and after driving around 4000 miles my vehicle wouldn't run. I'm not religious but I do believe things happen for a reason, whatever that reason may be. He had office/studio that he was setting up and being the sound/tech guy I am, He basically let me live in the office for free in exchange for me setting up his computers and studio to professional level.

I ended up living there for 6 months. All I did was make music, a lot of drugs and a lot of women. It was probably not the healthiest form of coping and recovery and most would probably frown upon it, but it was what got me through it and allowed me to live again.

My point in all this is this, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It happens as it happens. Don't worry about what other people may think about you and how you handle it.

 

my condolences brother

 

I agree that we have to feel it all to really move on.

As someone who has successfully avoided grief for 40 years, including a brother who died randomly right in front of me at age 10, a few friends, and my father most recently, its taken me a long time to accept that powering through, keeping busy and avoiding the pain just subconsciously pushed the immense grief down inside me, where it quietly influenced me in other ways (anxiety and anger).

I've just gone through a break up of a very intense and close relationship of 8 years and following the sagely advice of Alain de Botton, this time when feelings of pain and grief arrived, I stopped and sat with them, let them pour out. No analysis or thinking, just feeling and acceptance, welcoming it to be as raw and strong as possible. Then i would get back to my normal day.

It was really hard for first 3 weeks, walking about randomly crying at any trigger from the past few years as this heavy emotional wave consumed me. For the first time in my life I was an emotional wreck, and I was ok with it, not trying to maintain control, feel embarrassed, or run away from it.

And then over next few weeks slowly the well of pain and tears gradually ran dry, and day by day a reflective calm filled it. Eventually I could feel the grief had passed.

I wish id had such effective advice earlier in life, but better late than never eh.

I think my earlier habits reflected the European and American trend for suppressing emotion and embarrassment (especially in men), where as other cultures express grief fully and dramatically, and ultimately cathartically.

And I know this is little comfort, but I've always believed death isn't the end for consciousness, and it seems science is coming round to this idea. I feel they are all with me sometimes.

 

Last edited: Jan 8, 2026 at 7:49 AM