I am like them. I am similar to Grimes or Aubrey or Richard or Björk but I am different.
I am myself.
I guess they are not immature. This is their style and their personality without boundries and limitations and courage to not fit to the society vision how adult person should look like, what should do and how should behaves.

Like society is strict grandma with rules and they are rebellious teenagers with piercings and tattoos.
But this is not only a period of time and the changes in the brain that triggered it.
This is who they are, their personality. This is who they was, who they are and who they will be.

I hope you get what I mean?

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

You grown up buddy Its normal if you experience something too many times it gets boring. When I was 10 I have remembered easter,new year and other holidays i was so hyped up about them but now am 18 and everything feels the same every year. Dont stress about it, just relax.

 

Yeah I asked many people and when I talked around topic that there are some brain changes related to age.
I always heard similar answer to you.
And every time it makes me sad.
Sometimes i even get panic attacks.
Like I don't wanna be and feel like this to the fucking rest of my life.
It is a nightmare to live like that!
I am far away from being relaxed when I think about answers like this!

Deep inside me I feel like there is a big chance that this is not this.
You talking about different thing.

I hope this is not this because this will be a nightmare to me!
Freakin hell!

I will be literally trapped into this useless body and brain like a prisoner without hope sentenced to death. Without anything to help me. Situation without exit. Without good ending.

There was periods in my life when toughts like this gives me strong panic attacks.

Now I am just stressed and feel little pain around my stomach.

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

Yo, @Daisy69 love, how's it hanging?
Julia Cameron - The artist's way - is a book I enjoyed reading and did, for many years what she called - The morning page.
Maybe it is something for you...
Similar thing did a 3D artist called Beeple...the everydays

https://www.beeple-crap.com/everydays
Wish you well

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

Hey I came here for the same reasons you described in your first post I wasn't doing anything for the sake of music I wanted to trick myself to believe that I am doing something about it but the truth I don't and when I saw your post I immediately signed up to be a part of this conversation... It was so good to see someone who thinks this similar as me. I don't have any education about music and ı self taught myself like for a year watching all the contents on Youtube downloading every plugin you can possibly think believing after a point it will naturally grow into producing something but I am constantly stuck and feeling like it aint getting better I can't trick myself to get behind to computer and work for hours but when I do which is rarely I do see some progress but it happens like once or twice a month and that's it the other times I don't work I don't go school etc I am just laying down and watching sitcoms that I been seen 123123th time. It was like that every thing I tried I get little education on fashion and thought of doing that for some years but I never did and now I am doing the same with music I just don't feel like I am good at it and stress about future doesn't help at all.... .d I even quit my university for all that but it doesn't seem good for me I sometimes think if I had a worse life like idk more "colorful life" like I never experienced poverty etc. I would be more determined on anything. Sometimes I am thinking whether doing my compulsory military duty so that I gain some discipline I don't know I am currently thinking on switching to things like programing so that I don't have to use my creativity which I don't have any... people do seem to like my creativity but I always feel fake and not belong I am good at video editing, music production, fashion, doing artworks for songs but I also am not good at any and so on What can u suggest me after u read all the thread did you get any progress ? I felt a real connection with you and I believe we can carry each other be a support group altogether anyways sorry for my English I haven't talked it for a while which is my another talent which I can get a job with but I don't do anything about it.... I guess our group should be called something like Talentless Anonymous

 

I am against crypto shit like this and I don't wanna be part of it and I have in the ass big money from it. I will never touch this shit.
And this guy walking is very cringe to me. LOL
And this video is clickbaity feels which I hate.
But this is not important. Nevermind like Nirvana album title says.

Thank you that you share this with me.
Sure I will try "The morning page" thing.
And I will read this book. You get my interest here.
Thanks!

 

You are REALLY GOOD in your questions, complaints, jeremiads and all that stuff.
And you are REALLY BETTER THAN GRIMES in all that stuff.
GRIMES AREN'T ABLE TO MAKE THIS AS YOU DO. And I'm absolutely sure of it.
YOU ARE A MASTER, YES!
You have infinite amount of energy and motivation to say yourself hundreds of times every day that you are a looser (and how it is unfair) and even write about it.

DO IT.
Just live your life.
As Grimes does.

Once I undestood I have to just live my life. This is the single thing I can do. And there is no sense in comparing myself to other people. Just do what you can. In your actual circumstances. If you are sick be sick and try to become healthy. One day you'll start trying to be healthier. If you are stupid be stupid and try to become smarter (if you need it). If you can't do something try harder, again and again or forget about it and find something else. Etc., etc., etc. Make what you can, learn something or do nothing if you want it.

By repeating to yourself that you are a looser, that X is better than you, that something is impossible etc. you will acheive nothing.

 

Yep, I have the same.

Yeah. The same. I am watching Beavis and Butt-Head and others things like that what you can called it? sitcoms? And some movies and youtube videos all the time. The most about conspiracy theories.
Like I am escaping from the reality which is now because is so shitty that I don't wanna be here.
And those things help me to forget about my surrondings and everything for a while.
It has similar effect on me like on many people alcohol.

About alcohol. Only effect that alcohol gives me is tiredness, desire to sleep.
After a lot of alcohol I was crying often and I was more chaotic than I usually am and I looses some of my thoughts and have sometimes short blackouts. But I never do anything that I don't wanted to do and I never feel different emotions to other people.
Often I felt something like more love to other people especially girls but that's it and it wasn't that hard for me to have this under control and it was something different than radical changes which I never had.
It is interesting because some people behaves much different after alcohol like they are agressive and do weird things.
Like they are fake and after drinking real them hidden are outside.
It is something that I do not fully understand.
Like I am always myself and always true.
And nothing didn't change it.
Any drugs, any alcohol, any mental struggles.
Reactions and behaves of people like them and people like me.
It is very interesting and should be studied by scientists.

Yep, the same. I quit my job. And I started to regret it quickly. I had thoughts that it was very bad idea and I made very bad decision which turned out to be the nail to my coffin.

Yeah I have something similar but one time I feel like I am very good at things that I'm doing and sometimes some things that I am making are even better than my idols do but other time I feel like all of this are only some shit like crap with only one purpose be ready to be thrown in the trash. Like this crap can do any kid in the kindergarten and I am a looser with too much ambitions.
And this is not like I am doing different projects and this sounds great and this not.
I have so much different feelings about same stuff or similar that I'm making.

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

Yeah I also watch stuffs like conspiracy theories I don't believe any but I enjoy it anyways I just don't do alcohol I hate the hangover effect.. I thought psychological help would fix this issue or some aderral or Xanax like pills have u tried something like that? or is it helpless? if my country had a slightly stable economy I would consider seeing one but it is expensive also I don't like outside help much that's also a problem. I really liked the idea support group tho I mean it seems helpful method for alcoholics and drug addicts why it shouldn't work for us
It is so hard to decide whether you're good at something or you suck and maybe were so harsh on ourselves and other people don't judge themselves this much and we are harsh on ourself idk maybe we feel like we dont deserve where we are and some other psycological things now that I see I am not the only one and it is global (I blame mostly my country for most of my problems) I seem like there must be others and others who thought on these and solved maybe there still is a hope for us

 

Daisy69 where are you from ? do you have released somewhere ?
Something to listen ?
you play an instrumento or several ? you sing ?
Lots to Know

 

Man. I wish! I'm dreaming to try things like Aderrall, Xanax or Prozac.
I could say that I didn't take anything. I was taking something and it didn't help me.
First time I was in psychiatrist 10 years ago and she gives me a lot of things, the bag after shopping in pharmacy was like there was promo from cheap candy store like she gives me 10 random things and wish something could help me.
I remember that there was 1 or 2 antidepressants and one of them or maybe both help me a little.
But there was side effects. I've got akathisia, I was very aggressive like even braking stuff like kicking doors.
I couldn't contact this doctor because she was on vacations and I stopped taking those meds like gradually taking less and less.
I didn't know back then but I know now that it was very likely caused because some of those meds gives "extrapyramidal symptoms" or "out of pyramid symptoms" and I have the nervous system constructed in a way that only 15 % of the people have. And meds to improve mental health with the extra pyramidal side effects are tolerated very badly by people with nervous system constructed in the different way than average person have.

Second time 2 years ago I was in the psychologist and I quickly go to psychiatrist.
With psychologist it was waste of money and time. She had some machine that Nasa have to stimulating brain with some exercises but it was some shit from ass, fairytale for children, she didn't know what to do with me so we talking about conspiracy theories and she asked me about them she don't wanted my mom to visited her with me I needed to be solo with her and when I doesn't have idea or mood to talk she again started to talk about conspiracy theories and she tells my mom that my symptomps are caused because hormons and I am still not an adult.
I stopped to visiting her because this what she said to my mom make me angry and even more depressed.
On the last visit I asked her is she know someone who can give me pills, some antidepressant.
And she gives me contact to the prisoner psychiatrist and tells that he is good.

I go to him and guy was smart I liked him but not fully. He like didn't listen to me. Like I knows nothing and he knows better.
I had feeling like this.
He was the guy who tells me about my different nervous system in later visit and in first visit good that I am his patient because all the other psychiatrist in my region will diagnosed me like I have Schizophrenia or other shit.
And I don't have Schizophrenia.
He gives me few pills like 3 but no Antidepressant. There was no anti-depressant which was only med that I wanted and I was dissapointed and little pissed. And after few days or weeks I've got akathisia (Again LOL) and he changed the med which caused outside pyramid side effect and then tells me that I have different nervous system like only 15% people had and I am not tolerating well those extrapyramidal side effects. But maybe few more weeks and it will slowly go. But it was too much and I changed med. Also it didn't help me I don't remember any change. So it doesn't have sense to take it. And this second med didn't help either and had side effects like I taken it before sleep at night only because 30 minutes after I taked it I was very sleepy and like my movie was starting to cut off and I started to get anxiety and weird thoughts. And it was like someone hit me with a shovel. Those side effects was bad, ugly. I hated it. And those meds after few months didn't help me. It was almost nothing, no progress. I just can't get handle this and I stopped to contact him and again I gradually started taking less and I stopped completly. There was no antidepressant. Why he couldn't give it to me when I wanted it, when I asked him only for some antidepressant.
Anyway...
Healthcare in my region is a fucking joke. Especially mental healthcare. I feel that I have more knowledge than all this doctors, psychiatrist and psyhologist, I can be psychologist any time and much better than them.
This is a fucking joke.
And there is no availible things like Aderrall or Xanax or Prozac.
And even if they will be available I will not get receipt to buy them!

And the mentality of society in my region is like if they was in the middle ages.
And when you visit psychiatrist better keep it to yourself because people stick to you yellow papers and your life will be ruined.

I am telling to my mom like I feel very bad. Drive me to the psychiatrist more far away to someone else. And she is like. No one will help you. Waste of money. I don't have money. You was in few specialist and I waste money and they didn't help you. Stop making drama. Just start to be an adult, run, make exercises, go to job finally, do something! Don't you feel ashamed that an old mother has to support a loafer? You live without worries. Finally think about future!
And my grandpa and grandma talk in the same way to me often.

It didn't help. It makes me feel worse, sometimes much worse.
I am alone with my problems.


So in short.

I'M FUCKED

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

Europe

No. I am far away from it at this moment.

I can send you something on PM if you want. But this crap is far away from finished tracks.
I have something like loops, drafts, very basic demos.
The most of the time almost everytime I opened DAW I was making projects with single sound inside.
And I started again, and again and again, new project, new project. Everything with single sound inside.
I had thousand of projects with single sounds inside.

A lot to learn ahead of me. A lot of shit to do.
A lot of work to do.
I need to learn arrangement for example and how to exit 8 bar loop trap.
Or how to transform 8 bar loop into full track.
And how to make interesting things and some variations.
Not boring repetitive shit which long for 3 minutes.
And is like 10 second looped shit.

But I stucked for years in this place and I can't go any further.
I wanna level up like Mario after mushroom.
But I can't I stuck.
This fucking lack of motivation and other shit.
I stuck here like forever and can't move.

Also I have many cool ideas I think.
For music videos, for album arts and other shit like this.
But this is sad to me but my Album Art is shit now because of AI which can do this much better and even kindergarten kid can make better things in AI generator that me manually. Probably music videos soon too.
This is fucked up and this is really sad to me.
Like I wish there is no AI and I will started to do sooner those things.
Right now they are like without sense.
Everyone making art with AI now (not artist just regular people) and even many people can thought that me too and other shit.
I wish to be born little earlier or not to stuck and publish my art earlier before AI goes viral.
I feel like it is too late for this.
I fucked up this very much.
I still didn't even start.

I don't know is this count but I "can" play synthesizers and arpreggiators lol and I was made some cool sound design stuff I think.
I can't play guitar but I am playing a little in the very fucked way like no one publicly will play.
I wish and I wanna in the future try every musical instrument and learn some that I like the most.
Be multi instrumental genius and other shit.
But this will be in the future. Right now I will stick to electronic music. Synths, sound design and stuff.

But I am glad that I am trying to play guitar and playing in the most fucked way possible and I probably always will be playing like that because it is cool for me and why not LOL
Only thing is that I have classic guitar and I treated it as electronic guitar because I didn't like classic guitar and I hate acoustic guitar BUT I LOVE ELECTRONIC GUITAR AND I NEVER PLAYED ELECTRONIC GUITAR AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE ONE. STILL I DIDN'T HAVE.
I will try to change that soon.


I very like doing things that no one will do and I am not a fan of things that are viral or fashion. I hate fashion, I hate viral.

I AM THE CREATOR OF FASHION. I AM THE VIRAL.
But like no one except me knows that. Crap. Damn it! Butterfly leg!

For example Skrillex hairstyle in 2010. It goes viral and regular people in my region many years later have something like this, most of it girls.
I feel like why this happen. Like Skrillex is just regular guy like me who was crazy for music and sit in garage or basement and learn and was succesfull. Weird that so many people make his hairstyle and like he is celebrity.
He could be one of us in this forum. And even right now one of the comment in this topic could be his.

No. I don't sing. I can't sing.
Probably I never will sing like using only my vocal. Maybe with help of AI. Future is ours. AI help a lot with that.
If I will be female. Almost every female have nice vocal and potential. Only need to learn a little.
But I am male and If you can't growl and doesn't have voice for singing. As male you are fucked up.
And I feel this in many other aspects of life.
Girls have easier in life with everything.
I wish I will born as cute girl with big boobs and be smart, motivated and creative.
Like for example Elita.

Yeah, This is my dream, born as Elita.
Why I was not born as beautiful Elita?
Maybe I will had a lot of simps which gives me money almost for free for nothing almost.
A lot of money for pair of my old socks and many similar shit like that.
Maybe it will be not for me or maybe it will be my basic source of money LOL
I feel sadness because of it.
Why I doesn't have it?
Fucked up right? My thoughts?
This is just the tip of the iceberg of thoughts inside my mind.
And my inner voice can't stop talking with fucked up things.
I hear my thoughts 24/7.

LOL


Ohhh by the way. Meet the Elita Harkov.
I wish she can be my girlfriend.
Anyway her body and music are really worth watching!
I love her.
Damn I love so many people! So many artists!

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

Sorry to hear that, I am sad also never told that am not... But it is what it is, you cant control the time so stressing about things you cant change make no sense.

 

Yeah, This is my dream, born as Elita.
Why I was not born as beautiful Elita?
I feel sadness because of it.
Fucked up right? My thoughts?


Am not an expert but I think I have found a part of your problem, If I try to diagnose this sentence it tells me you dont have trust in yourself and you dont adore yourself enough. You should try every time when u get up, look at the mirror and say to yourself thank god I am who I am.

its not narcissistic, accept who you are and build on that every day. Just imagine everybody else thought they are somebody else what would world look like. You are unique creature as everybody else who have all the potential of this world to do what you want, and hope its not a bad thing. If you cant sing (a lot of people can but they didnt ever try as hard as they should), you can do something else that someone other wish he can do. But that is not amazing to you because its part of you, love yourself friend.

 

Best way to solve this problem I have had also is to find a few songs you like and deconstruct them. If you cant do that on your own there are plenty song deconstrucions on yt or even flp files you can download and investigate them by yourself.

 

I don't go to this forum often, but the title intrigued me. Okay, this is a pretty normal rant, I think.

Grimes is not dumb as fuck; she knows how to get ahead; she has been in the game for a long time; and she understands that selling is, most of the time, more important than "creativity" or your feelings. She networks better. She had toured all her life, and that gave her experience on whether or not to continue that lifestyle.


Why am I a loser?

You don't need to be smart at everything; you just need to SELL. Selling is the difference between famous artists and regular people.

Selling doesn't just mean selling tickets; it also means tweaking your "art" and your identity to become successful. You must accept the fact that people will consume your "art" as a product, and that's it. If your "art" means something or is more meaningful, that is just the cherry on top.

The biggest difference, probably between you and Grimes or Elon Musk, is actually DOING stuff rather than consuming it. Just produce stuff, put it out there, and if no one likes it, tweak it. Find your own voice on the path to success.

Grimes did not start out to be successful. She was young and in the right crowds ALL through her life. She could have become a junkie easily, but she chose not to.

Elon Musk is a different beast; he was in the right place at the right time for the dotcom boom and lied about getting accepted to Stanford in a clever way because he knew that just saying STANFORD opens up doors and investment, and he stole the competition's business plan by faking being an intern there. Then he sold that business plan to investors, and BOOM, he owned a company at the right place at the right time, which he leveraged to network better and become better at what he does.

Both Grimes and Elon Musk never stop until they get whatever they want, and unlike most people, they are OK with using other people and their labor for their own profit.

Why can't I succeed?
Produce ONE track. Find a way. It's the start of the journey.

You can't succeed for now because you have not failed enough. You have to be in the right place at the right time, or pay your dues until you are in the right place at the right time.

Why can't I make tracks?
You are probably alone and don't have social support or a circle of friends that are productive enough to compete with each other. That is both a curse and a blessing.

You should feel like you HAVE TO make the tracks deep inside you. The amount of labor you have to put into "art" is infinite, and the motivation behind putting in those hours is what makes you an "artist", If you shape that labor to sell, you become a "successful artist".

From a work of art or writing, you can tell people's motivations. It's just a form of communication.

You should be okay with the never-ending circle of learning; when success starts to rain, it will pour.

Do you forget? Write a mindmap.

Don't want to open a DAW? Just open your voice recorder and make sounds as a note, then put it on DAWN when you want to.

Overwhelmed by the amount of information? Put it in order using the GTD method (Getting Things Done).

You can get out of this hell %1 a day and one day at a time.

The difference between them and you is that they were like you, but they adapted and changed, just like you can.

Energy and motivation come when you KNOW what you are doing. Unlimited motivation and creativity are not a secret but a continuous path. You must be zealous.

Ranting and questioning are better than just thinking you are great. If you rant and think long enough and practice self-criticism, you will find the answers. You have the right mindset but don't know how to direct your energy to the right paths to release your potential (so you waste it on rants). Don't trust people to find those paths for you. You have to get organized and not become a mess that rants. You have to grow as a person.

Here is a list of things with which you should be familiar and internalize for success:

Stoicism (listen to Emperor Marcus Aurelius's meditation book summary on YouTube)
Getting Things Done System by David Allen (https://www.flickr.com/photos/44243969@N03/4066442261/)
The 48 Laws of Power (a book summary is enough)
How to mind map (Google it)

Also use chatGPT; forums are becoming outdated for asking life advice.

 

This is very exciting to me that people which are very rare here in this forum wanna talk in this topic and feel like need to share something. This is very cool. I feel honored.
Thank You!

 

I agree with your philosophy. Even the greatest will be forgotten some day. Money and fame are accidental for some people.

 

For those of you who feel completely lost when making music, despite watching many youtube videos and trying for years... Is your focus on learning how music works or on how music production works? If it's the latter that might be your problem, maybe try turning your attention to music theory - let's say conventional and modern theory because there are some great educators on youtube who demonstrate different ways of learning theory. Theory is used in every genre of music and it's at the heart of why music sounds good.

I don't mean music theory in a Foster sense, I mean practical music theory that you can use. There's almost a feeling that the most arty out-there bands are ignoring theory and that's why they're so original and unique but if you examine their music more closely you'll uncover the theory at work if you know enough yourself.

If you think knowing theory will destroy your creativity I have two words for you - Salvador Dali.