I have a 1mo ul.to coupon giveaway.

Reply with a witty simple two-lines joke or a funny fact you heard (no memes, no copy-paste from the www)

I will pick the best one in 48h from now.

 

Last edited: Nov 19, 2015

Two bats hanging inna tree, they go like:
- who drinks moar blood, inna great distance in less time wins.

The first one go and come back with little blood on side of his mouth.
- Wow! Where did you go?
- You seen that house over there?? One sheep drained! 20 secs!

Second one gone and less than a second! Comes with face full of blood.
- Wooooooow!! Where did you go?
- You seen that wall????????

 

There's a mammy balloon, a daddy balloon and a baby ballon.

One day the daddy balloon says to the baby balloon, "Look son, you're a big lad now, too big to be sleeping with me and your mam - we've got you your own room now". So the baby ballon moves into his own room.

A week later there's a big storm and the thunder and lightning starts. The baby balloon gets scared and decides to sneak into bed with his mam & dad but he finds he's grown too big and can't get in. "I know" says the baby balloon "I'll let some air out of my dad then I'll be able to fit into bed". He does this but still can't fit in so he proceeds to let some air out of his mam as well but this still doesn't do the trick. Finally he decides he'll let some air out of himself and snuggles into bed with his mam and dad.

The next morning the daddy balloon wakes to find his son in bed with them and asks why. The baby balloon replies "There was a big storm dad, and I got scared." His dad says to him, "I'm very disappointed in you son - you've let me down, you've let your mam down and, more importantly, you've let yourself down".

 

Why dogs lick their * ?

Because they can !

 

Ableton add vst3 support, wrapper for multi-timbral instruments, slip edit for audio samples and reduce suit's price for 70%.

F#ck, I overslept again.

 

9/10 report gang rape as a pleasant experience.

Rape jokes. Class.

 

Whats the only bad thing about having sex with a 14 year old?

watching her break down on the witness stand. :P


yes i know some of you groaned at this but i know some of you laughed too

 

What do you do if an elephant comes in your window?

swim

 

Why did the monkey put a burger on his head?
Cos he thought he was a g-rilla

 

Conversation overheard between two gay cowboys, "Yup, Yep"

 

Ancho de espalda, estrecho de culo, maricón seguro!

Which translates a something like "Wide back, tight butt, sure fag"

I've just realized I know no jokes at all in english :/

 

Good job guys, most of them are quite funny. I choose ArticStorm for the atom story.

 

Good choice. made me giggle.
arctic, if you're not in need of the coupon, I really could use it.
disregard if you do though

 

I have over 113 uploaded links to download.
All of them are in the 700.00 MB file size.

It's going to take me weeks to collect them all one by one.
Because each file takes over 3 hours to download.

 

I'm hearing ya. I have have to replace my entire library due to catastrophic system failure (and lack of a bcak up).

 

debrid-link.fr (extremely cheap solution)

 

I now have to wait 3 hours before i can download another (uploaded) .net download link.