BREAKING NEWS - A legendary guitar manufacturer has announced a new electric guitar, in what guitar magazines are calling a major development for men who already own nineteen electric guitars.

The new guitar, which features six strings, a wooden body, a slightly different shade of sunburst, and the ability to make the exact same generic blues crunch as the last one, has been described as “game-changing” by people who have not played in front of another human being since 2008.

“This changes everything,” said one guitarist, clearing space on a wall rack beside 14 other instruments that also changed everything. “I’ve always felt the only thing holding me back from finally mastering the Pentatonic scale was not owning one more Stratocaster.”

Early reviews have praised the instrument’s “resonant tonewoods,” “vintage-correct neck profile,” and “bell-like chime,” three phrases legally required to appear in every article about a piece of wood with magnets screwed into it.

Music media outlets have also hailed the release as a major step forward for players who prefer buying gear, polishing gear, talking about gear, arguing about nitrocellulose lacquer on internet forums, and staring lovingly at gear from across the room than actually practicing.

“It’s not just a guitar,” said one reviewer. "It’s a time machine. A doorway into the golden era of rock. A beautiful reminder that your sloppy, unfinished intro to 'Sweet Child O' Mine' could sound 4% more authentic if you spent another $2,700."

The company confirmed that the new model is aimed at beginners, professionals, and middle-aged men with spare bedrooms their wives refer to as "the crisis center."

Thousands of guitarists had already pre-ordered the instrument and begun wondering whether its sustain will be better than the guitar they bought last month but still haven’t taken out of the case.