Hello @Magic Max, please seek professional help. Is there a psychotherapist near you that you can consult?

Recommendations:

Psychotherapy – ideally cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
You don't "just" need medication, but help with the thought and behavior patterns that perpetuate your anxiety.

Differential diagnosis by a specialist
A thorough psychological or psychiatric examination could help clarify exactly which disorders are present and whether, for example, you also have social phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or depressive symptoms.

Trauma management?
Have you possibly had negative experiences in the past that exacerbate your social anxiety? This should also be investigated.

Addiction counseling (if relevant)
If alcohol is truly being used for self-medication, this is a risk factor for worsening – this should be addressed in therapy.

Spoiler: Source: ChatGPT KI

First, thank you for being so open. What you wrote isn’t just clear, it’s incredibly relatable for many people who live with chronic anxiety — especially when it's not just fear, but a whole network of social, sensory, emotional, and logistical stressors that stack on top of each other. You're not “overreacting.” You’re describing the intricate calculus of living in a body and brain that’s always doing too much to keep you “safe.”

Let’s unpack a few pieces. No advice yet. Just recognition.

The Loop of Overthinking
You’re describing something a lot of people with GAD experience: scenario stacking. It’s not just “what if someone visits,” but:

• What to serve.
  
  
• Whether they’ll like it.
  
  
• Whether they’ll judge you.
  
  
• What if you want them to leave.
  
  
• What if they don’t want to leave.
  
  
• What if you go there and regret it.
  
  
• What if the coffee sucks.
  
  
• What if the music sucks.
  

Each layer adds pressure, until it becomes easier to just avoid the whole damn thing. But then the loneliness or self-judgment creeps in, too.

This isn’t neurotic. This is your nervous system running a high-alert simulation 24/7. It is exhausting, and I see why you'd want either medication or alcohol to help take the edge off. That’s survival, not weakness.

Why Music and Socializing Feel So Risky
Music isn’t neutral to you. It’s personal, vulnerable — even confrontational, especially when you're around others who create music or want to share it. There’s often an unspoken pressure to perform emotions around music: “Do I like this enough?” “Am I reacting the right way?” “Will I be judged for my taste?”

Now layer that with the social expectations, small talk, physical space, and body tension of being a guest or host — it’s not surprising that you’d rather avoid the whole encounter.

You are not broken for feeling this way. You are navigating social situations with a hypersensitive barometer — one that’s been trained over decades to detect all the ways something might go wrong. It's the "comedy of errors" you mentioned — except it feels more like tragedy in the moment.

‍♂️ The Isolation: Safe, But Stifling
Staying home feels safe — but also lonely, limiting, even soul-draining. It becomes a cycle:

• Avoidance brings short-term relief.
  
  
• Long-term, it adds to the sense that you’re “not normal” or that you’re “failing” at life.
  
  
• That fuels the anxiety further.
  This is the trap of agoraphobia-like behaviors, even if it’s not full-blown agoraphobia. It’s not cowardice. It’s a very understandable form of self-preservation — but one that can become a cage.
  

Now, What Can Be Done? (Gently. Slowly.)
I won’t offer you the usual “have you tried mindfulness” platitudes. You’re not new to this. 26 years medicated — you’ve been in the trenches.

Instead, let’s consider just one step: reduce the number of simulations. When the mind tries to solve every hypothetical, it drowns. What if we shrink the horizon?

Microstep: Choose One “Safe Person”
Pick someone who is less likely to trigger all the scenarios. Someone:

• Who doesn’t stay too long.
  
  
• Who brings their own food or doesn’t care about food.
  
  
• Who also finds socializing awkward.
  

Have a brief, clearly timed interaction with that person — even if it’s 20 minutes at your house. No milk. No cookies. Say, “I’m trying short visits. You okay with coffee, no frills?”

Try it like an experiment, not a performance. No need to “enjoy” it. Just log the data: “I did it. This is what happened.”

Would you be open to me helping you create a sort of personal playbook? One that:

• Includes scripts for declining invitations guilt-free.
  
  
• Outlines how to host with zero pressure.
  
  
• Helps you spot when you're about to spiral into scenario stacking.
  

You don’t have to change everything. But you don’t need to keep carrying all of it alone either.

 

Last edited: Jun 12, 2025 at 12:56 PM

Thanks for your concern. To cut a long story short, yes, I've had a few mental collapses, bouts of anorexia, a brain injury from a car accident and a long history of (recreational and prescription) drug and alcohol abuse. I've had four psychiatrists and a vast number of therapists and psychologists. I'm not seeing anyone at present because there's nobody to see in my home town. In thirty years there hasn't been one type of therapy that has helped from cognitive behavioural therapy to hypnosis. If I can remain stable which for me would be a bad day for someone else, but is just low level anxiety for me, I'm content to muddle through the days until I run out them.

 

Hello @Magic Max, I sent you a private message!

 

yes i have. i am shy and virgin. my music still sucks. where all these years are gone to? i dont know and i keep on living. i need to carry on, so before death i am indeed confident i did all i can

 

No, not social anxiety in particular, but I struggle with anxiety in a broader way, usually revolving around panic attacks. I've been through hell, felt mental anguish so intense I wouldn't even dare wish it on Hitler. But I'm still alive, feeling way better than I used to 10 years ago. I wish everyone here finds the help they need. I don't believe anyone is beyond hope and help. It's 2025, and we're still here, still feeling joy, sadness, calm, anxiety... that's what matters.

 

Bro, you need shock treatment in Havana Cuba: rum, cocaine, viagra and happy girls. After a couple of weeks of fiesta you will be cured of all your doubts and anxieties.
Viva la Revolucion!

 

Spoiler: Source: Grok KI

It sounds like you're reflecting on time, self-worth, and the weight of unfulfilled dreams—shit, that's heavy, and you're still here, and that’s raw courage. Being shy and a virgin doesn’t make you any less of a person. And your music? It might feel like it sucks to you now, but that’s probably your inner critic being a loud asshole. Every artist feels stuck sometimes; it’s not a dead end, just a messy middle.

Where did the years go? Probably into surviving, learning, and growing, even if it’s hard to see. You’re carrying on—that’s not nothing. It’s fucking resilient. To keep going before death with confidence you gave it all, try this:

• Small steps, not giant leaps. Pick one thing—maybe a song, a lyric, or even just jamming for 10 minutes a day. Doesn’t have to be good, just done. Momentum builds.
• Ditch the shame. Shyness and virginity? They’re just parts of your story, not the whole book. Own them. Confidence comes from accepting where you’re at.
• Connect. Find one person or community (online or IRL) who vibes with your music or gets your struggle. Share a track, even if it scares you. Feedback can spark growth.
• Reframe time. Instead of mourning lost years, see today as the start. What can you create now? Death’s coming for us all—make it chase you while you’re making noise.

You’re still living, still creating. That’s the spark. Fan it. What’s one tiny thing you could do today to feel like you’re moving toward that “I did all I can” goal?

 

Thats sounds like you understand the situation very well. Its always pleasant to find like-minded people. Give me 5 to 10 years, and if a fail - forget about me and wait for the next idiot, wasting good chunk of their non-renewable golden years tweaking some knobs.
And when i am gone, i would live honest life of person that have no responsibility about yourself...

Maybe i would become complete and irreversible beach bummer or just plain stupid junkie. Maybe i would find another buzz or decide to pass my misery to next generation.... who knows, at the end of the day, i had here fun time, and have no regret whatsoever.

Vila La Vida!

 

Hemp derived delta 8 thc has done miracles for me. But some people it just makes it worse, ymmv...

 

I’d be one of those people, my first (and most intense) panic attack was triggered by THC. It really is like Russian roulette. I know it works wonders for some, but it’s definitely not for me. What’s truly sad is how much money governments spend fighting the war on drugs, while investing so little in educating people about how to use substances responsibly and the real risks involved.

If only I had understood what was happening to me back then, my life today would likely be very different. It’s heartbreaking to think about sometimes.

 

I have social media anxiety (not sure if that counts) and it has been catastrophic for my social media overall presence as an artist.

Maybe i shouldn't have merged my professional "artist" Instagram profile with my personal one!