It's OK to cut toxic people out of your life. And this rule applies to everyone, including family. Last edited: Nov 3, 2024
Verbal abuse cant hurt you unless you are weak in the first place. Also, the key to shutting it down permanently is to be clever with your response. If you retort in a grown up way without aggression, yet still making them feel stupid? It will happen less and less until it stops all altogether! Let me provide some context here:- I drove a London Taxi for 30 years. The abuse I got from punters saying they were late, or having got off the phone with their wives/ girlfriends/ mistresses all wanting to argue over nothing. Politicians having just been voted out of office wanting to argue with me, belittle me. The list goes on.. IF I allowed it, I would have become their whipping post, the butt of ALL their hurt, their anger etc etc. You know what hurts the most? Not having a great comeback which shuts them down. It doesn't need to be aggressive or abusive, but it MUST be the final word, because that is how you take their abuse and shove it right where the sun don't shine!!! We all have an inner strength. Everyone does. Knowing how to use it to your advantage without getting into trouble is my advice to you! One last thing. If a punter jumped in my Taxi and said.. Quick.. I am running late, I have to be there 20 minutes ago. my typical response would be something like. Did you see a blue box when you jumped in my cab and does it look bigger on the inside to you? No? Well that is because I don't own a TARDIS! Last edited: Oct 1, 2024
If the verbal abuse is character defamation that is horrible. Honestly though, if it is bad enough for you post on a public forum then you should probably go and seek some advice from an expert. While people here certainly mean well, your main focus is to ensure it stops or as someone said, get out of there if you cannot. We can choose our friends but we can't choose our blood family.
I think it takes a bit or even a lot of persuasion with some people. Lemme explain. I grew up in the happiest of households. Being an only child i would get my way eventually, but never spoiled rotten as my family was initially a poor one. Thing is my dad would always criticize negatively my constant practicing with music in various ways. Looking back, i was an overly sensitive kid and his words really hurt me. Being the only youngster in the family though, led me very early on to grow certain defenses and the most powerful one was the more he 'd say something negative about ie. my singing, the more i would practice day and night. I landed my first legit paycheck from music at age 17 (1982). There had been more before but were not so significant and mostly were black money. But even this wasn't enough. He blamed my generation for "sucking as much as i did, so they liked what i was playing" hahaha. Used to drive me furious lol but all he did really was fueling my passion even more. Soon as i was 18 i fk'd off for about 5-6 years and worked as a summer dj and gigging musician. I even waited tables and did a bartender gig. Anything that would put some money in my pocket and keep me relevant in the night life of my small country. When i decided to return to my hometown i immediately rented a place of my own. Shortly after, i landed a full time job as a singer and also a two years tv contract for two appearances every week on a very popular live show with my -then newly created- cover band. Now that was a blow not even my strong headed dad could oppose, the old neighbors would go to my dad with something like "hey, wasn't that your kid on tv last afternoon? Way to go". He understood that not everything is black and white and even more, sometimes what is black for one person can be white for the rest, so to speak. I was lucky that apart from our musical disagreement that lasted the first 25 years of my life, he was a good and honest man and provided all needed when i was growing up. Just stubborn as a mule and opinionated with what life taught him eons ago, refusing to adopt newer ways of thinking and a different point of view. I do miss my parents more often than i could ever imagine before the inevitable happened. Especially my dearest mom who -being completely healthy- died in a terrible accident in '09. My dad lived to be 93 and died about 3 yrs ago to complications of a chronic heart condition. I cherish all the good memories and i like to remember my continuous rivalry as a younger man with my dad, with a kind of bitter sweet fondness if i may say so. Mate. "Even the Pope needs some persuasion God exists", figure of speech of course. Don't take what parents say for granted, because sometimes they don't know any better. Your fight should be in bettering/educating yourself anyway possible and be your own man/woman leading your life as you want it. And if they come to understand you at some point it should be welcome. If not, it's their loss. All my best. Last edited: Oct 1, 2024
That's terrible. Genuinely, get some expert advice. You neither have to take it or follow it up, or share it, or tell anyone you are getting some. I believe if you get some way to live more peaceably, that's a win. We all sincerely feel empathy and compassion for you, but we are not experts in this department either psychologically or legally.
Time will most likely fix everything, all the arguments and fights I had in the past with my parents no longer matter now and I love them.
try thinking about you family in terms of geometry and math. positive and negative. preconditions. actions. reactions.
Get this book, it's one of the best on the subject: https://www.amazon.com.au/Toxic-Parents-Susan-Forward-ebook/dp/B003Q6D5PM/ This one too might help: https://www.amazon.com.au/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-ebook/dp/B00TZE87S4/ And there's several others as you'll see Amazon suggest to you.
Some parents suffer mental health issues and take it out on their children. Some children identify their parents' mental health issues and don't know what to do about it. Some children feel as though they need help from their parents, even as adults. Some parents are too old and won't change before they die. Do you tolerate their behaviour towards you and continue to love them because that's the kind of relationship you want from them, and you hope they will eventually reciprocate? Or do you give up and say goodbye? No one can help you. You need to understand your situation and your choices. You need to make your choice about what you will tolerate and accept. You can't force people to treat you the way you want them to. You will either accept and stay in your situation, or deny and leave.
also not as easy and cheap as in the past and i would not advice young ppl to do so unless they really live for the same cause , following strict life plans and are not at all into pointless youth life which got ppl lost in life later allready 20 years ago . most people get into shit jobs ,getting kids being mediocre parents start getting sick thru bad habbits with 40 ,dieing with 58 after decades not being alive and not well .wasted their best years for shit . ...and why i tell this here is because in 90% of the cases ppl living a good life coming from completly intact classic familys ....alone divorce children are already fckt for life...talking always from majoritys not from the few who had luck .
