Is it the iris that dilates, or the pupil that constricts?
And how do I fit my dick in it?

 

During WW2 my grandfather brought down 22 German aircraft in a single day. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffer ever had.

 

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a piccolo player's arm?
A: A tattoo.

 

I had to read it twice, this is so mean.

 

A business man visits Japan for a scheduled meeting with a client, including a round of golf.
The night before, he goes out drinking in a bar and meets a nice japanese girl, which he takes with him into his hotel room.
One thing leds to another and they have sex.
During the sex, she suddenly keeps shouting:
"Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!"

The man who doesn't understand Japanese, thinks the girl is cheering him on, because he is so good in bed.

The next day, during the golf game with the client, the man tries to impress the client with some Japanese and everytime when the client makes a good shot, the man shouts: "Machigatta ana!"

The client, visibly confused asks:
"What do you mean? Why do you keep telling me this is the wrong hole?"

 

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

I just had sex with my father in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.

A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."