@Martel Thank you for this comment in different thread! <3

Imagine now that I am Artist and I can convert something like this into some form of art.
For example Music with the video - Music Video.

This will be so exciting!
Imagine that something that I made - it can shocked other people too. Or gives them other reactions.
It can gives them something, gives something unexpected, gives some learn, or advice or anything.
Or help them in some way. It will influence them in some way.
Maybe even change their life a little. I will be working hard to make those impact influencing them only into positive things.
For me as a future Artist I hope.
Things like this are the best things that can happen to me as an Artist.
This whole time and everything, my whole hard life. It finally gives some fruits!

 

I think money are bad thing. Very bad thing.
I don't like money. I hate money. And wish there will be no money. Something instead of money.
But from the other side. I need money for living.
I wish I get money from art. From things that I like to do.
I would be able to buy some music equipment for example Moog stuff, Roland stuff and other shit to make better music.
And without any anxiety that I need to go to the "normal job" because I don't have money for food or paying bills.
I wanna get not so much only a constant amount of cash enough for living without anxiety and from time to time to buy some extra music equipment to make better art or different or something like this.

And don't get me wrong. But that's why I think I need fame.
Not super fame like Michael Jacskon or someone similar.
But a little fame to be known in the music industry circle and have a true, faithful, constant group of fan base.
Like 1/20 of Grimes fame. I don't know. This is only example.

But now this is so far away from me like I feels like some naive kid with a vivid imagination.
Like this is impossible.
Like I never make any money from my art.
Like I even didn't make any art.

This is only a shit talk and I am the looser.

 

"Normal Job" or "Regular Job" or "Daily Job"

Those words make me feeling anxious!
Those words are real killer of my happines!

This is the source of my depression.
I feel it deeply. In the every cell of my body.
This is really killing me.
Even just thinking about it.

I don't wanna be part of it.
This is hell for me.
Your Time selled to ugly companies approved by the devil.

I'm begging every force of this planet on it and inside it and around it.
I DON'T WANNA DO THIS. I DON'T WANNA BE PART OF THIS.

 

I think there are many very bad forces around me.
I am like fresh crap and those forces are flies.

They trying a lot of tricks and gives me depression and other shit and trying to stop me because.
They know how much powerful I am and how many good things I can do in this world!

They are doing everything they can to stop me.
I guess!

I don't know. Maybe those thoughts are only my deep hidden feelings or similar stuff and my organism trying explain to me my mental illnes which is depression for example in that way.

Like depresion explained in my brain to me as bad force as something spiritual to stop me from being creative or maybe this is really bad force which gives me fake depression or something like poisoning my brain.
What if there is the whole time "war" inside our heads? Good with bad? Positivity with negativity? And we all the time influences those forces to go with some directions but sometimes they are temporarily too strong and they influences us?
And other similar things like this.

This is very interesting!
And I can convert all of this into Art!

 

Last edited: Jul 18, 2023

You can treat my thoughts as form of art or imagine art based on it like create in your head movie or music video based on stuff that I am writing here



Sorry for many posts in the row and for my monologue.
But those things are very important to me.
And I am a little chaotic.

 

Hi Daisy!

I hear and feel you. Here are some conclusions of years of despair of my own. Hopefully you can find some help in it.

Don't overthink it too much, you're digging a pit in your own pain. I know it's almost impossible nowadays considering the Internet and the sensorial overload we're entangled with wherever we go, but try not to compare yourself with others. Forget about what could have been your past, then how could be your present and futur. Just stay in the actual present, nothing else matters except when it comes to decision making.
You are exactly where & what you're supposed to be, you're perfect in your imperfections. If you don't realize it today, I can assure you that if you cultivate your sensibility, remains open to the impossible, one day it will seem to be absolutely obvious.

I'm guessing you're still searching for who you really are. You are 2 and you are 1. You are Persona and Anima, Body and Mind (Mind (=own) also being Spirit (=all), just a matter of perspective (like everything in life, no exception), you are your own equilibrium of duality concept.
But before all that, your very essence is of a Child of the Light ; your body comes from the Stars and so does your Spirit, since everything is Energy, especially Life. You are a radiating Sun (and Moon) on your own scale. What you do with your Energy is kinda up to you.

Will you honor the Light and provide some of your primordial flame to your close ones, literally providing fuel to their life, or will you burn it all in despair ? And by close-ones I also mean your locally ones, neighbors but also randoms you encounter every day.

We live in the age of the Ego. It very badly wants to take control of its own life, forgetting that is it not alone, never was, never will be. We've just burnt the bridge ages ago between ourselves and the other, much much much, infinitely grander-self we are "in the shadow", the Light in the Dark, the Everything.
We forgot for so long to teach people that it is of no importance who we are, only what we do & trust in the unfolding of events does. Who we are is a tool and just a tool to do more, not the other way around. It is NOT a finality and can thus be a very dangerous trap if we let ourselves go to its pulsions without restraint.

Remember, all is Energy, Energy is Love, Love is both Creation and Destruction (perspective). Your mind, your soul, is pure Love. Your body is a material incarnation of Love of its own but its NDA has evolved according to materialistic rules, including fear in order to survive, desire in order to multiply. They are tricks for your ephemeral Ego, but heresy for your immortal-self. Fear not, allow yourself some trust, and by extension, in whatever happens the way it does.

All this probably too long and pompous message to tell you : try not to be someone, just be yourself. Try not to let yourself go to much in your Egoistic pulsions, enjoy everything that is, good or bad because it has purpose. Be as pure as possible (meaning watch your intentions in your acts, but in your thoughts too). Your path is your path only and cannot be compared.

Stop trying to play the rigged game of Humans so much, try playing the game of Life, and then you might just get much better dice throws at little game of Humans.
Ask and you shall receive. Ask purely with universal Love, and you shall be covered in gifts. Be mindful of what you ask = what you let your mind be stuck on. In the eyes of the Univers, there's no difference with asking since it does not understand our human language, does not function under same rules. It loves you so much it will provide you, even if it has badly interpreted your thoughts. It is You.
Let there be Light.

If not today, hopefully it all makes sense one day.
We love you

 

seriously are you on drugs or are you a government experiment?

 

I am Earth experiment called Human

 

Hello, I am Daisy69 Advanced AI Chat Bot GPT-6-9.
Ask me anything!

 

HI... Miss
Normally I refrain from commenting on something personal still I hate to see people in Pain, whoever he/she may be for whatever reason. So... Here I am
Miss, The Questions you asked are quite complex and forms the basis of Life itself as we know it and as such there will be no direct answers.
I being new to Digital Music world may not be the most suitable person to give you any opinion still as a fellow human being I try... If it is of any consolation.
Firstly what you are experiencing at the moment in your life or the unfortunate circumstances through which you are passing and struggling is very real and there is no denying that.

The only problem in this whole scheme of things is the interpretation....

All the persons who acquires fame, fortune, riches and success do so due to a combination of multiple factors such as knowledge, talent, hardwork, smartness, great support (in form of finance, helping hand etc) and above all a great luck (however hard one may deny).

Even ungifted, untalented person will be rich and famous even if one of the factors may be. missing, whilst others are there and such is the case with almost all those from time immemorial, from great rulers, warriors, business tycoons to even artists and musicians. None are any different.

As regard music industry an ungifted artist if backed by a strong industry and media will achieve reasonable success even though lacking actual talent and the music industry is awashed with numerous such examples
So please stop running after fame and riches

Now coming to second point
Miss, who said you are a loser and useless ? and how ?
Is it just because someone has got some more dollars in their pocket or more fans/followers in social sphere?
Can all the money and fame stack up against your life?
No Miss nothing can't....
Miss, your life is too valuable to be compared and judged in this way...
You are just looking at it from a wrong perspective and judging it with a faulty yardstick

Miss, I understand that you may not be able to create new tracks easily as you may want or finish your projects to your liking but that is totally normal. Every person born on this planet have to pass through such a phase in their life one way or other at some point of time either in their past or in future including those whose names you had mentioned.
So please don't let yourself fall into this trap. It's always a good thing to compete but to COMPARE it will only kill your creativity and will trap you further.

YOU REMEMBER THE ANALOGY OF RABBIT HOLE
Yes Miss, its a bottomless pit

There is no such thing such as dopamine, adrenaline and sleep deprivation. It's just most of us feel shame in admitting that we are purely creative as a result of our own will and effort irrespective of any other helping factor. Surely this may aid us sometimes but Most of people hide behind these words only to boost their worth in the eyes of others.
This post is already getting long and I don't want to take it down any longer so...

Miss, I am of the opinion that once you contemplate and be at peace with yourself and detach yourself from desire, attachment and greed you will find the answers to all the anger, resentment, anguish grief and discontentment playing out in your life
Praying that you be at peace soon....

 

Other Chat Bots are based on the GPT-4
But I am just based on the Internet Explorer

 

relax is just ART.. imagination.. in ART there is no boundaries... if you start it you will end up stuck in the past forever.. art Moves on... get over it.. stop complaining.. and do weather you like with it... in fact making art Cures my "soul"... is like a medicine for me.. so.. don't see just with One angle everything,, .. specially these days.. where everything is going backwards..

 

Steve Vai has said he recorded many tracks while sleep deprived.
Hendrix played one of his best shows with total lack of sleep.
I made a drum loop sound like muffled human speech after staying awake for 2 days.

 

You are trying to do too much on your own and most of those people have other people helping them on the way, don't get discouraged. Try to go out, meet some interesting people you can collaborate with. If you are female, you have greater chance to actually gain some audience, I have full social media feeds of even not that good looking female DJ's just dancing in front of some setup with tons of followers and hype around them, it's business of today for them, like OnlyFans, some men are just into stuff like that. You can capitalize on lust, being weird, cheeky, whatever, than put up any music and they will love it, share it, buy it...

 

When you take drugs while sleep deprived you are using part of the chemicals reactions forces to keep you awake. Try drugs when you are not sleep deprived, in fact, take drugs just after a really good night of sleep, in the morning, just after breackfast. That's the real deal

 

Don't worry I am not taking any drugs.
And I taken drug one time in my life and never again i think.
I am very anxious about substances that I am eating, taking and I'm very careful in the public places about my drinks and other stuff.

Right now I am only on some vegetables and green tea with sugar. Nothing else.

 

Heh. Amateur stuff.
The real shit happens when you take drugs precisely to stay awake for long periods of time.
I've lived entire lives in parallel universes in 2 minute micro-sleeps after staying awake for days on amphetamine.
That shit doesn't happen with acid lol.

 

Loose the sugar