This can be regarding addictions or in general..

good roll i mean just going about your day in a healthy/good way

i messed up few times trying to get back on track again

 

I'm on a good roll. After years of drug abuse, alcoholism and homelessness, I'm sheltered, composing music, and even writing a novel. I can't complain.

 

On a what?

 

That is fucking cool, bro.

Well done. I hope your novel is about your story.

 

was drug abuse the hardest one? what made u give it up? tired of it?

 

Been tried to be f***** up by a car rental. The whole year has been strange so far and very active. Many obstacles to resolve. This gives experience at least.

 

Good roll but life very stagnated. Just trying to stick in the pocket til people call my hard work luck

 

Generally Ive felt off the past couple of months. Some of my relationships with family / friends have been strained. I think in part to the whole post-pandemic norm, world news, markets, and general sense that things aren't as great as they could be. Feels like living in some sort of alternate reality where everyone just sort of gave up on civility and common sense, and now we have grown men dancing on milk crates for likes. Seriously, wtf.

 

Fucked.

 

dont worry friend, your not the only one that thinks the future fucking sucks... I'm right there with you.

 

Im in a funny stage. Still fighting my alcohol addiction, but every day I allocate more time to music. I think Im on the way out.

 

Hoooly shit. That makes "The Wire" look like a happy comedy show.

 

It took me a year to wean myself off of the almost five year prescribed by doctors opiates that I was taking after a bad coccyx fracture only to be diagnosed with Chronic Leukocyte Leukemia about a year and a half ago. The doctor says that I probably have to have early onset dementia and I can't seem to write a new song to save my life. My dog is now deaf and the third season of The Umbrella Academy kinda sucked, so things are, I guess, going just fairly. On a positive note my 17 year old daughter is awesome and doing really well in school and is just a great all around person and is navigating a boyfriend, a heavy school load, being a youth leader in a mentoring program for girls, competing nationally in Figure Skating and being a teenager in these weird and ever growing weirder times.

Spellcheck is both a blessing and a curse.

 

Both?

 

Also both.

The thing with me is that wine makes me far more creative and inspired. Yeah, fucked up... but really, I make so much better lyrics when shitfaced. And no - it's not all in my head. I've had long periods of being sober and I was unable to put out something meaningful. Now I strive for a balance. Control is the key, for me.

“That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen” - Charles Bukowski

C.B. always makes me laugh.

edit: regarding drugs like marijuana... I usually end up doing a 15 minutes trance megamix, so no good. However, it feels nice and relaxing so I have it occasionally. I haven't tried any other drugs since early 30s. Not really interested any more... I'd take LSD again, though, just for fun. Wouldn't touch coke or meth with a 10 foot pole [I never liked the experience much]. MDMA yes. but only once a month or so.

Cheers!

 

Last edited: Aug 19, 2022

I'd like to share something useful. I was prescribed Diazepam for anxiety and I was taking it for 2 years. The worst 2 years of my life, aside from 2015 when I had heart surgery done. After a while, I became strangely aggressive and felt lethargic most of the time. Didn't help creativity/inspiration, also. I've been off it for about 6 months now and I feel much better. I mean, I feel like I used to feel for the most of my life - depressive and anxious.

Diazepam is a terrible drug, as well as all "Benzos". It's only useful short-term like up to 2 weeks or so. Please remember that for your own sake. Getting off it [benzos] is pretty hard, too. I got terrible anxiety flashbacks. I can't tell you how glad I am I got rid of it. If it were up to doctors, I'd still be taking it.

 

I did acid about 40 times a few years ago... i think differently, have different solutions to problems and dont let things affect me like they used to, I essentially find myself only caring about what I need to and not allowing little things to send me over the edge like they used to prior to my awakening. we are all our own computer connect to the motherboard keeping us alive, we are here to do what we want, when we want for any reason... when you let the small things get in the way of this, you are preventing yourself from using the motherboard to your advantage.

 

<--- This peaceful tree avatar represents how my life is now vs the loco life I've had. That's what's so funny about drug addiction - you never know where the road will take you. I've been in places I had no place being, and encountered people I had no place meeting.

I've attempted suicide and been close to being murdered. After years of homelessness and moving around all the time (LA, Nashville, NY, Seattle, Rhode Island, etc), I slowly got on my feet after being diagnosed with Autism, Bipolar 1 Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, a Stroke, Diabetes, Gout, etc.

This enabled me to get Social Security Disability, so now I live in a subsidized apartment where, eventually, I acquired equipment to make music. Writing is inexpensive. Just a laptop and an imagination is needed. The novel I'm writing is not about me; it's about a murder in heaven.

 

Yea, both for me. My spelling has become atrocious and spell check kinda reigns that in, but it still makes it difficult for me when I have to decide if the replaced word is correct...which isn't on so many occasions. It stresses me out in a damned if I do, damned if I don't sort of way.

And too, arthritis is messing with my fretting hand making it sometimes painful and difficult to play. Since these last years I've been 99.9% playing acoustic guitar I might just sell the three excellent 14 fret dreadnoughts that I have and buy a deep bodied 12 fret 00 size guitar with a cutaway (deep so that I don't loose all the lows, 12 fret for less string tension, 00 for the ease in the lap, the cutaway to reach the highest frets with the loss of the 13th and 14th at the body...probably buying used and broken in because I probably don't have years to do it myself). I could live with that.