To answer your question: There is no one set of firm rules when it comes to choosing the right drum sounds for a song. Let me explain.
What may work for one track could easily fail on another. Indeed, here the name of the game is experimentation. Drums must be choosen within the context of the track you are working on. Particularly, the kick can make or break your track, therefore, special attention must be paid to it. Having the right frequencies in your kick is going to make it stand out and fill out your bottom end without taking over the mix. Remember, with the kick you have 3 sonic componets. The low, the mid, and the top. All 3 must be balanced in relation to one another, and with the rest of the track you are working on. Don't be shy about layering several kicks toguether. Again, experiment!
As to the snares and cymbals, there is a young drummer from NY named Justin Ryan who has written several interesting articles covering both topics. Anyone can gain some knowledge by reading them. Here are the links:
https://www.samash.com/spotlight/select-snare-drum/
https://www.samash.com/spotlight/choose-hat-cymbals/
https://www.samash.com/spotlight/buy-drum-set/