London007,
The two lines were actually meant to appear at separate places in the track, as parts of the chorus.
The 2nd line would be used to replace the 1st to get some variation, but still keep the same meaning.

But your idea with those 2 lines together look pretty good. You guys are sending me in some brand new directions here.
This internet thing is a friggin cool invention

 

You could perhaps use the word "fantasy" instead of "just pretend"

 

Yeah, but doesn't 'fantasy' have a bit more positive tone than 'make believe' and 'pretend'?
I mean if it's closer to 'dreaming' than 'faking'?

Or is it this just something I feel cause of that super positive Earth Wind & Fire tune...

 

Pretense doesn't rhyme and it doesn't relate as well as what you already have... which is fine.. run with it.

 

Yeah, one thing I like about both 'make believe' and 'pretend' is that they end on hard sounding consonants, which will work best with the melody and feeling in that chorus part of the track, and I think I got some good rhymes working with those lines.
So I think I'll keep 'what is just pretend'. Feels now like that expression adds a bit of spice, even if (or maybe just because) it's in some grey area of the language.
I was mostly worried that it would sound wrong in a flat out stupid way, like if I'd written 'what are the pretend' or sth.

And I will try to make the verses a little more deep to make up for the shallow chorus lines

Thanks again for all the comments guys, it's very helpful

 

thisis theend, I have to say that judging by your posts, your grasp on the English language is light-years ahead of most native English speaking people on the internet. I couldn't imagine trying to learn another language, because I can barely speak my own. Trying to use google translate always ends up being a disaster for me.

 

Thanks man. Yeah I started learning English very early cause my older brother was playing a lot of great English / American music when I was growing up, and since I really wanted to know what they sang about I was always asking him to translate the lyrics. So I had some basic understanding even before I got any real lessons.
Then in school the best teacher I ever had was in English so those studies were both easy and fun, and those things combined helped me to get a good grasp of this language.

Of course, when I was a kid we didn't have all these computers, twitter and texting etc. That was probably a good thing when it comes to learning language, cause you really had to focus and work to get to know it. We couldn't just ask a machine to help us. Heck, we even used some really crazy stuff, like books and pencils

So thanks to this background I think I can express myself pretty well in English nowadays.
Still, if you could hear me speak it, you'd immediately spot my Scandinavian accent.

 

Ever hear of 'Since You've Been Gone'?

Lyrics are fine mate, I wouldnt worry too much. Theres some real gobbledygook out there

 

pretend can be used in any way you like..
does it sound good in the context of your music?

what the hell, some singers make no sense at all in their words

lifting random snippets from nursery rhymes..ala early michael stipe...

it doesn't matter about grammar...as you are not in freshman comp lol

does it "evoke" the way you want it to in the song.. ? then keep it...


if the feeling is there ..then it's always right.. IMHO....

you made me think of Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders.... good band... good songs... good lyrics..

 

+1

Yeah, wish I could write a song that was half as good as 'Brass in pocket' or 'Don't get me wrong'...