Hey guys. I'm working on some english lyrics here. But since it's not my 1st language, I'm unsure about part of it.

I have this line:
Do you know what is true, and what is make believe?

Later in the track I wanna repeat that, keeping the same basic meaning but with some variation. So I tried this:
Can you see what is real, and what is just pretend?

But I'm not sure I'm using the word 'pretend' in a correct way there.
So what do you say, is it OK or is it some bad grammar that will sound stupid to english speaking folks?

 

It's not exactly profound, but grammatically it is good\fine mate.

lol @ Excetions

 

LOL

Thanks man

 

Actually, I'd say it's wrong as "pretend" is a verb and it is out of place. You need a noun there...

Maybe "pretension"/"pretentiousness" (long) or "vanity" would be a better fit. Look for some synonyms. There are a handful of these words that are very similar in meaning so it's mostly about what you think fits best in your context. Ostentation could fit but it's a bit long for lyrics. "Feint" could be more political. "Sham" is more informal and slang-like. 'Swank' or 'swagger' are more negative methinks but more about manners, not deception so much. "Bravado" for fake bravery etc. Staginess, pomposity, mirage...

Anyway, each one will give a different character.

Here are some more: http://thesaurus.com/browse/pretension

 

WNz is right, but poetry has always been a "free territory" so you can get away with a lot of what generally would be considered errors if you think it just suits your song, or maybe the rhyme just sounds perfect that way. ;) There are countless examples of that. Especially in the real poetry. Shakespeare anyone? The man practically enriched the English language for a few hundred words himself by using the language freely and inventing the new words that people just accepted with time.

Language is a tool, it's been devised so we could convey feelings and thoughts. Grammar is for scientists, not poets. [I was a British English teacher at some point of my life btw. LOL]

English is such a rich language. So many words and fine graduations of feelings, or adjectives and verbs, depending on how you look at it. I love it. And it is not my mother tongue, either, but it became it, in time.

Leave it like that and let people wonder about it. That's what Shakespeare, Blake, or Poe would do. It's a slight error. Nice.

 

Although correct, WNz's comment seems a bit "pretentious". You're writing lyrics, not an essay. Your use of "pretend" is fine and most English speaking folks will not think it sounds strange at all.

 

He asked. And both of you are right. It's just a tool. That's why I tried to sprinkle it up with a few other words that may be a better fit for certain contexts and a fairly long list of synonyms to choose from. Open up some new paths, ya know?

 

Yeah, that's what I was worried about. The thing is I have a vague feeling that I've heard 'pretend' used like that sometimes, like a special expression that was OK, kinda like some slang is OK - 'hey, it's just pretend' meaning it's fake or make believe.
But I could be wrong, has anybody else ever heard it used that way

SineWave and cripple9, are you saying this could be just fine anyway in a song, and English speaking folks would probably accept in a sense of poetic license? I mean, so it won't just sound like I wrote it without understanding what I did.
I have good reason for wanting to keep it like it is, works great in context with everything else so far…

 

Pretend can be used as an adjective. It works. If you like it, then you keep it.

 

hey, it's just pretend

I don't think I've heard that ("Just pretending" or "Just kidding" or "I was faking it" comes more naturally) but it could very well happen to be used in an every-day situation.

That "make-believe" you used is the same. They are verbs in essence but used like a noun. Same with "wordplay". You don't say "word game". It can be a grey area, so if you think it fits you might as well just go for it. The listeners' attention will most likely be focused elsewhere anyway.

 

No hard feelings WNz, I was just messing around. There's nothing wrong with giving someone more options. It just seems that those lyrics are meant to be simple and to the point, I could be the one who is pretentious though.

 

Yes, it really is artistically very normal in lyrics. I promise.

 

Thanks for helping out guys. It's hard when you wanna go anywhere out of the most ordinary using a foreign language.

Through the old google machine I found this lyric now:
Letters From Earth

It has this part:
Come on it's another game
But you gotta play on
Cause they say it's just pretend

So if it was OK for Black Sabbath I guess I can run with it...

 

So, is it friggin' chicken or fuckin' chicken?
Hint: http://www.putlocker.com/file/C603A2A4875FF38B

 

Black Sabbath is my all-time favorite hard-rock/metal band. The original lineup though, never really cared much for Dio.

 

I'd use pretense, not pretend.


Do you know what is true, and what is make believe?

Can you see what is real, if all is just pretense?



Not exactly a good turn of phrase....

Perhaps.....

Can you see what's real, if all is just pretense?

Nah.....

Do yer know woss true, right, and woss make believe?

Can yer spot woss real, if all is just effn pretend mate?

Nah......

Dae ye ken whit is true, an' whit is make believe?

An ye see whit is real, if aw is jist pretense?

Nah......

Do you know what's true, and what is make believe?

Can't you see the real, for all the rash pretense?

Can you tell a truth for all that make believe

Can you see the real for all the rash pretense

Meh....

 

Yeah they're true legends for sure

I had to check out that Sabbath track on youtube. It may actually be the reason why I had that line way back in my brain, cause I had a friend back in the 90's who thought Dio was awesome.
I never had any of those albums but I remember he played them all the time.

WNz, lol @ friggin chicken.
Too bad they used those bleeps.
Could've been a great sample using that girl saying 'oh, this is some good fucking chicken' :phones:

Feridan,

 

Here Man this mite Help a Little Bit ( Rhyme Zone ) ://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=flirt&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l&org3=y

 

Thanks man! That could help a big bit... I mean a lot

 

I liked Feridan's "pretense" but then I thought, "shouldn't the lines rhyme?". So my take on this would be;

Do you know what is true, and what is make believe?

Can't you see what is real, if your mind just misconceives?


It rhymes and still keeps in context with the subject. Oh yes, I thought "Can't" works much better than "Can" for some reason, I suppose it's slightly more forceful in the way the questioning comes across. Imagine Human League's "Don't You Want Me" sung as "Do You Want Me" and you'll get the idea I'm talking about.

Hope this helps anyway.

8-)