Recording quality and vocal performance aside, I'm surprised you found nothing evocative in these lines. I'm not saying I think its "special" but I do think it is suggestive and can be interpreted by the listener, which is something I always try and do. Not make a statement, but suggest images or emotions.
I wrote it and I'd like to know what it means.

Day comes through the window
Breeze sings like a morning remedy
Spring comes like a whisper
Love grows on a branch of every tree

And your eyes so wandered
Sun kisses me drops of embers
Trickle down my neck like a melody

Catch a tear in the ocean
World waits as she dries those tears of blue
For you

And in the dark he comes
And no one knows he’s there
Gives the people hope
Shows you he cares
And in the dark he comes
Forgiving your mistakes
Gives life to your dreams
Gives love when you’re awake

Night stops at the window
As he brings the evening remedy
Drops his tears in the ocean
World sleeps as she pours those tears of blue
For you


And in the dark he comes
And no one knows he’s there
Gives the people hope
Shows you he cares
And in the dark he comes
Forgiving your mistakes
Gives life to your dreams
Gives love when you’re awake

Drops his tears in the ocean
World sleeps as she pours those tears of blue
For you

 

I like it, Well done especially from that long ago. I used to love recording demo sessions. The band would come in and in a few hours you might have 1-3 nice songs. to be mixed on another day.

 

I guess that I can't follow what you are trying to express and that I don't understand the story. There are evocative lines that help conjure visual representation of those lines, though for me I cannot fathom the whole in regard to its constitute pieces, kinda like not seeing the forest from the trees type of scenario. It's like I'm suffering from dyslexia and the letters on the page are very hard to pin down and makes it difficult for me to grab the gist.

I'm a hard sell when it comes to critiquing art in general, and in retrospect a bit of a dick for not having PM'd you instead of originally posting here. Sorry for that.

 

I disagree with your self-assessment :p It sounds great

 

To break it down into its most simplistic expression I guess what I'm trying to say is there is a higher power that regenerates our collective creative spirituality. It comes at night when we sleep and readies us to be free each day, anew, fresh with each awakening.
The tears of blue are the price we must pay for the pain and suffering of our creation.

 

I blame sister site for this

 

Blaming others may work for Donald Trump, but ultimately the buck stops with KungPaoFist. You have ruined music.... FOR EVERYONE!!!

 

.

 

@Lenny Belardo Me likey bro. It's crowded,noisy and unpolished but has heart, the correct emphasis on melody, some interesting instrumentation/arrangement (i dig the bass a lot) and lyrical merits. All in all a most proper song with personality. I'd willingly remix the fk out of this vocal and some of the channels therein, in a funky down tempo fashion without hesitation.
Nice work mate