Best joke in next 30min gets a 48hr uploaded coupon.

 

I'm not gonna compete with this one ! You the winner

 

Two chocolate bars felt from the storage.

One says: "Ough,... I broke all my ribs" !
The other: "That's nothing..., I was falling on my nuts" !

 

I'm not racist but Gaga's joke smashed it, plus i've heard the chocolate one before.

 

Not exactly jokes, but they made me laugh!

 

Superman is getting tired of being a superhero. So, he decides to go out and have some fun.
He flies to gotham city and asks batman if he wants to go with him, get drunk, and get laid. Batman says no man, I
gotta protect gotham city, you know.
So superman flies to spiderman and asks him if he wants to go out, get drunk, and get laid. Spiderman
also refuses by saying he has to protect the city.

Disappointed, superman goes alone.

He's flying along when he sees wonder woman spread eagle, stark naked, on her lawn.
He thinks to himself "Hey I'm Superman. I'm as fast as a speeding bullet. I'll giver her a quick fuck and she won't even notice"

So superman flies down, fucks her as fast as a bullet and flies away.



Wonder woman says "What the fuck was that?"


Invisible man, "I don't know honey, but my ass hurts like hell..."

 

Venisons dear isnt it?

-Jimmy Carr.

Hitler joke is the best so far but not THAT funny

 

How to make a gay fuck a women ?

Shits in her cunt.

It was from some stand up , I dont remeber who was it :D

 

A Husband takes the wife to a disco.There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.The wife turns to her husband and says:"See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:"Looks like he's still celebrating!!!

 

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor last week for my anual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why? She said " Because Im trying to examine you."

 

Paddy says to Mick, “I ' m ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?” Paddy replies, “I'll take her with me!”

 

A very rare photo of the 1940 Tour de France

 

there was three cats sitting at the local pound. the first cat said since we are all here me might as well talk about what got us here. so the first cat said my master gets on my nerves so when she left i shredded the curtains and the couch. the second cat said oh shit! My master took off for the weekend and i shitted all over the house bathtub, couches sinks and the bed they sleep in. The third cat sitting all quiet says well my master was vacumming the house and she has a nice fat ass. So i jummped behind her and fucked the shit out of her. So the other two cats was like whoa, so your getting put to sleep too. He was like NO im getting my NAILS CLIPPED..!

 

"About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather's back with lard. After which he went downhill very quickly." (Milton Jones)

 

I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.

"Alright Casey, it's about time you went to bed," I said.

"But Dad, I'm 18," he protested.

"I don't care," I said. "You're not watching me wank."

 

so im standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is stood at the side of me , so i asked him " do u know martial arts like kung fu and ju-jitsu? " he replied " why the fuck you ask me that ... is it because im Chinese " ? i replied " no its because your drinking my pint you slanty eyed little cunt " !!

 

A guy goes to the doctor, he starts explaining his problem,

"Doc, I have this weird problem...ah...I work at a deli and I always get a massive urge to stick my dick in the pickle slicer."

So the doctor replies,"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, seriously, pickleslicer? Alright, I'll tell you what; you have to try as hard as you can to resist your temptations and you should be fine, I can't do anything now but you now where to find me if shit goes wrong."

A few days later, the guy returns to the doctor and says,"Doc, I couldn't help myself, I did it; I stuck my dick in a pickleslicer."

Doctor: "WHAT? I thought you were fucking with me that time, what happened?"

Guy: "Well I got fired for one...."

Doctor: "What about the pickleslicer?"

Guy: "Oh, she got fired too."

Doctor: "-______________________________-"

 

http://ul.to/coupon/GJRNTA7Q

 

just would like to say thanks to Mclove i was running late this morning didnt get a chance to say thanks. Hoodhendrix