**Please note: This post is only intended out of a sense of humor and not meant to be taken as offensive in any way.**
Hi, kids! Have you ever wanted to sound like Hollywood's favorite superstars in music like One Direction, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, Kanye West, Fifth Harmony, Pitbull, Austin Mahone, or any others? I got you covered. The process is simple.
Boys: Shove a helium balloon down your throat and run out in front of a moving semi truck and get hit by it. Next (if you're still alive), "sing" senseless lyrics with the emotional depth of a 2nd grader to the tune of "Take me out to the ball game" and put it over the following chord progression: D A Bm7 G. Slip some nonsense raps in there, too. Keep it at a 4/4 time signature and a preferable tempo of around 87 to 130 BPM.
Girls: Shove a hot air balloon up your ass and float upwards and get struck by a Boeing 747. Next (if you're alive still) "sing" about your ass cheeks and breasts to the tune of "Do you know the muffin man?" and put it to the following chord progression: B F# Abm7 E. Make it so it has little or no emotional depth to it. Put it at any time signature and any tempo.
Both genders: Try as hard as you can to make puberty go in reverse for you in terms of physical appearance. I would also recommend trying as hard as possible to sound like a pack of rabid dying horny cats who got thrown in a washing machine by their blind and deaf 65 Septillion year old owner. Also, if you have little or no musical talent or knowledge, it's okay. It only increases your chances of reaching superstardom because being a talentless vegetable-head is widely accepted in the music industry.

 

lmfao! Great post dude. Made me laugh anyway!

 

The last sentence is so true and symptomatic of our time unfortunately.
Anyway, good one!

 

Nice post

 

Ouch .. I've gained a new appreciation and respect for the hard work that goes into being a superstar.

 

How to Have a Number 1 the Easy Way
by Bill Drummond (KLF)
httpx://www.amazon.com/Manual-How-Have-Number-Easy/dp/1899858652

 

Also you can use this method:
- Ditch 90% of your brain
- Watch all day kardashians and learn paris hilton quotes!
This way you're on to become new pop star

 

Trying to write a great Axis of Awesome song is an enlightening experience

 

can you do a tutorial how to fuck ariana grande or nicki minaj?

 

You must also give credit to mindless tunnel-vision of the record labels and A&R people who look for nothing but carbon copies of the people you mentioned. This repetitive BS is shoved down the throats of youth as "music". Such a shame that actual talent will never be seen by anyone. It's kinda like Bubblegum music of the late 60's and early 70's came back, but without real musicians. At least it died very quickly.....the stuff now never quits. How horrible it must be to be an engineer now. But, at least they are working and can use the same obnoxious templates for the same obnoxious, worn out loops. Yawn. No vision. Good post claytonr!!

 

Unfortunately no, because I'm more than 25% white.
Perhaps someone else can, though. Because I'd like to know this myself.

 

Apparently NOT from the back! Too much square footage to overcome, at least in my case.

 

Welcome to the throwaway society. Consume it and forget it

 

Sometimes i don't know what was first ...the ringtone or the top 10 song from it or vice versa ?