■ A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

■ Perfect Pitch: When you throw a viola into the toilet and it doesn't hit the sides.

■ Q: How many guitar players does it to take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5 .... One to change and 4 to say they could have done it better