Hi @Cardamom, my condolences.
I'm not married but I recently lost my brother (cancer disease, six year older) and I was devastated. He was my best friend and inspired me in all my life with his behaviour, his advices and his constant support.
After the first terrible period i found great comfort in talking with people who knew him to share thoughts about him and his life. I often have meetings with his widow (they have no children) and remember a lot of nice moments we spent togheter. Me and my brother shared an immense passion for music both listening and playing (he made an incredible Eurorack synth that now I own) and almost every day I listen to something we loved (I reunited all our collections of vinyls).
So I think that it's better to stay in contact with friends and related to the passed person, continue to use things that she loved. Finally I own now a dog and I think it was a good idea to bring him home. Also I read someone here that suggest to write some music for her, why not? Cheers.

 

Birth and death are recurring events, the cycle of life: one person is born, another dies.

Some people die in accidents, some are victims of crime, some die of illness, and some die of old age from organ failure.

We knew some of the deceased personally; we learn about others from the newspaper or television.
Death accompanies us throughout our lives, consciously or unconsciously.

Life is only truly precious because of its limited duration, for in the end, death awaits us all.

Let us try to alleviate suffering by saying no to war and yes to peace. Let us advocate for safe routes to school and adherence to traffic laws so that we have fewer fatal accidents. Let us always be kind to our fellow human beings.

Let us make life safer overall so that we have fewer crimes against people.
Let us advocate for greater workplace safety so that we have fewer fatalities from workplace accidents.

As we can see, there is much that can be done to reduce the number of deaths and thus lessen the suffering of us all.

 

I agree on "doing something".
This guy i love done a LOT of different things.
He lost his wife years ago, and done a lot of things after ... even more than before she passed away.

He is now a really wise man : photography, magnetism, philosophy, electromagnetism ... and more.
https://www.youtube.com/@KenTheoriaApophasis

 

Only time can make it better. If you keep busy for the day, it will hit you at night. Just know that it gets better and you will able to remember them without being so sad.

 

Sending love and strength to you, Brother.

Me and my beautiful lady had a rough summer, she went through three cancer scares, one after the other, waiting for results. Fortunately, they all came back clear, but it made me do something I'd never done in the 30 years our souls have entwined. I thought about what I would do if she did go.

Sad to say, just being honest, my first thought was that with no Kerry, there'd be no me, so might as well get high as fuck and go out with an opiate OD. I have NEVER considered or even thought of ending it, but the thought of being without her left me scared, hollow, and lost. The thought that my three grown kids, 28, 25 and 18 would be feeling immense pain and might just need their Dad around, snapped me out of that stupidity!!!

As said, Kerry was given the all clear so we continue on, soul mates, best friends, lovers, partners in crime, bandmates, fishing buddies, explorers, dreamers, parents and grandparents.

I sincerely wish the absolute best, that your new chapter in life brings you joy, peace and fulfilment.

 

I love these stories of long term relationships appearing here. My parents lasted 40 years before cancer took my dad. I know it doesn't help the pain but please treasure how beautiful it is to connect deeply with someone for so long. I've just ended another 10 year relationship because ultimately we just weren't mentally and spiritually connected enough. Finding the right one and making it work is a miracle sometimes. Massive respect to you all!

 

sending my energy to you, reality is like glass and it's devastating when it breaks. She's there where we can't see , the same as my dead. they're all together, but we rarely can see them. twice I felt my grandmother. honor them and move on with the things you had in common and the now resulting spinoffs. in grief, pain is the game and the more you feel it the better.

 

This
my wife and I were anything but the perfect couple. constantly at each others throats. I figured she would be kicking me out for the next 20 years. But even still she was the one person I knew I could count on and I am grateful for the time we had together.
No one comes into our lives by mere coincidence

 

Your kids probably may not know about this, but as someone roughly the same age as your kids, I'm glad you're are here and decided to be here. Children always need their parents whether they are 18 or 60.

 

[QUOTE="I really hope your wife is running like this girl, in Paradise like a wolf in the woods[/QUOTE]

So kind. Thanks mate.

 

Thanks so much for the time and what you wrote. I am doing well - faith is strong, support is great. God is good to me. All was meant to be as it was meant to be. Take care friend!

 

Some great thoughts there friend. I know what you mean. I can count at least 4 times where I felt that there was a little 'wave' coming from heaven ... a strangely timed song, an unexplained connection of two things at the very right time - all pointing to a higher order where truth and love abide. I am a Christian, so this is more real for me than for others who have no belief system. Thanks for your kind words! All the best with your new navigational strategy when coping with deaths, past and future. Seems to be the right way for you.

 

I have buried 36 people I have loved in the last 20 years.

There is nothing I can say with all the empathy I feel that will help you feel better, but what I learned from all of that is they actually never leave you. They live on through you. We miss them because of the joy, laughter and everything they brought into your life.
The other thing I learned is we all feel things in different ways and there is no time limit on grief. Sometimes if things get really bad for you, a change of scenery, whether that is a holiday or visiting someone you have not seen for a very long time can help. Missing people we love is normal. All those people at the beginning of this reply I still miss, but I remember them with a smile. There is also no recipe for healing either. Sending good thoughts your way.

 

Had to give you a thumbs down here. Let me explain: you are approaching life and in this case, death from a distance. You type as if you were the cold, unfeeling character of a pre-AI computer - trying to map life and existence as a program that, if followed, will yield perfection and standard results upon the processing.

Death and emotions surrounding them do not work in this fashion. The suffering (some more than others) is overwhelming, brutal, and random in how it affects people and the people around those people.

Go serve at a soup kitchen, volunteer at an old folks home, sit with a group in therapy for something ... find your humanity ... don't just run a program, friend. Do not continue being personally impersonal like this - it is loveless, lifeless and will destroy your heart in the end.

 

You're working with assumptions and presumptions; you don't even know me. Your interpretation is, frankly, completely wrong. I deliberately tried to broaden the topic of death from a different perspective in my contribution, by explaining the avoidable suffering in the world and offering a possible solution for discussion.

Just this past New Year's Eve, 40 young people burned to death in a nightclub in Switzerland, and yesterday there was a train accident in Spain with at least 39 fatalities. What can they do except cry and offer their loved ones help and comfort in any way possible? That's why we all need to make the world safer, as I mentioned in my previous post, so we can prevent these accidents.

It is always a great pain and loss when someone dies, whether it's a friend, spouse, beloved pet, or, as in the case of the nightclub, 40 young people.

In many religions around the world, it is believed that the dead go to heaven and, if they themselves die, are reunited with their loved ones. My acquaintance recently lost her brother; all one can do is be there for the other person, offer some comfort, otherwise one should allow oneself to grieve and even cry properly.

Many people have sought a path to God after death; some have become religious because faith has given them comfort and hope.

After some time, it will get a little better. Perhaps you should think positively about your wife, because people aren't truly dead when you think of them. Physical life ends quickly; accidents and illness, as well as murder and manslaughter, can happen. One cannot prepare for it; it is always painful.

Spoiler: Perhaps this book or video will help you to better process and understand your loss:

Perhaps this book or video will help you to better process and understand your loss:

Pim van Lommel - Consciousness Beyond Life
The Science of the Near-Death Experience
https://www.amazon.de/-/en/Consciousness-Beyond-Life-Near-Death-Experience/dp/0061777269

Consciousness Beyond Death | Dr. Pim van Lomme

 

Last edited: Jan 20, 2026 at 12:04 PM

NOW you sound human. Thank you!
I am a Christian. I know where my wife is - watched her go there. Peace is hers now. Thanks for the book suggestion, but I am in a great GREAT place because of Christ. So is she - far better, in fact. Stay warm like this - and sensitive, my friend. It suits you!

 

Deepest Condolences, It is never easy losing close loved ones. Keep busy it does help. Helping others is also very rewarding volunteer at a food bank and participate helping at homeless or animal shelters and events. I have and made many new friends as a result. God bless

 

Last edited: Jan 21, 2026 at 10:06 AM