1. Get off the forum
2. Try talk to her
3. If she don't want to talk respect her need for space till she is ready
4. Suggest marriage counseling or something similar
5. Go and see your friends, family, don't sit alone over-thinking the worst
6. Don't take advice from anyone who does not know you, her or the situation in full.
7. If she's worried about you cheating but you say you're not, there is a sad chance that maybe its her own guilt getting to her?
8 .Maybe you being on the computer so much is why she is suspicious, repeat step 1, think about step 6 and most of all, do step 5.

Sorry if that seems harsh but someone has to be a realist here. Not saying everyone else aint trying to help but we don't know the full story here, like the famous saying goes, there are three sides to every story, his, hers and the truth.

Go fix your relationship, rather than sit online. And if your online activity is part of the problem and you love her that much, throw away your computer, relationships can be amazing without them.

 

Sorry just read that back and it is pretty harsh, but still think about those things.

I know its horrible when something like this happens, but the best way to fix it is to be around your friends and family to reflect. Not saying these folk on here might not be your friends, just a beer and a hug will help more than font and a emoticon.

 

If they can not fix this, you won't fix it as well. You can try, but sometimes people who are trying to help, become enemies, because in marriage there is no room for outsiders, if you defend one side, the other side thinks that there must be something wrong for sure. Especially in case when wife thinks he's cheating on her.

 

"will help more than font and a emoticon" sorry, that sounded funny to me

 

i love her and need her. i am aware i dont own her but she is my wife as i am her husband. in our vows we said forever and i meant it. i will forever be hers but i cant just sit here and let my wife walk away from our FAMILY. families are everything. and my child doesn't deserve to grow up without his parents setting the example of love and support. through good and bad times.

 

Sorry to hear that you are going through this my friend. My prayers for you, her and your child.
Your best bet is to explain to her how that's going to effect the child having to live without one of the parents. It's unfortunate that the children always end up with the pain of the mistakes of the adults. I don't mean any harm to you with my talk. I've been there in a similar situation. Luckily, we came to an understanding especially about the kids. Tell her how the child feels when he/she wake up in the middle of the night calling for you or her. And trust me, your child feels there is something wrong. They don't have to say it but they feel it. if your child is old enough to talk, let him/her talk to her and tell her that his/her happiness is with the both of you.
Try your best to show her that you love her and need her beside you in order for you to keep going. Promise her that she will see a big change in you. If you get the chance to talk to her, ask her what changes does she wants you to make and promise you will do whatever it takes to keep the family together.
I know how painful it is my brother.
I wish I can help you more.
I wish the best of luck for you and your family.

 

Think rationally and put yourself in her shoes for a minute. Her actions are a reaction to a reality you consciously chose to create after all is said and done. Give her some space and let her think if its worth continuing with someone who shows signs of someone who can potentially go all the way with another women. You obviously know you want her back and thats normal, but most of these situations involve REAL patience and a strong logical/open mind. Since you created this whole event be brave enough to hold your logical state of mind and accept that you might have fudged for a second and think about what you can do from here on out to REALLY prevent this from happening again. Don't just patch this situation up with a temp solution or commitment. Best of luck, mate.

 

First, I want to tell you, that I feel compassion for your pain and your despair.

There are several questions that I ask myself.

You say:

So why are you looking elsewhere, and chasing the petticoats? This is where I don't understand correctly. If you really love your wife, you her owe a fidelity without reproach.
Women in general, quickly lose confidence in you when they discover these things that you have made.

Another question, you only feel not that your relationship was floundering? It's possible that in bed, everything goes well, but after the report, your relationship between husband and wife no longer works. This means that when we begin to no longer speak, or barely, is that it begins to have a serious problem. The only way for adults, is to speak ..! Very important. Without dialogue, we can already say that your relationship is already dead.

Then come the questions about children. How will they react. I know it from experience. They will probably start crying. It depends on how old they are. My two son, during my divorce, had seven and ten years. I don't know under which regime you live. You are married? Do you own your home? If so, since you do not have any dialogue, you will have to go through a lawyer or mediator. And that will not be joyful.

I do not like telling my life on a forum. But in a few words, how it happened. I had a nervous breakdown because of my work (Women do not like living with a depressed). So I was hospitalized in medical psychiatry, for a period of fifteen days. In the same hospital or my wife worked. I've asked the doctors, as I was here, an alcohol withdrawal. I had tend to drink a little too much.
As she worked there, I had the chance to see her during lunch time. And we talked about our future plans, buying a new house in the countryside, etc... And dice the second week, she arrived ready for me. I wanted to kiss her, and she is move away from me. Weird! And then she told me, that she had thoughtful, and she wanted a divorce, soon my exit from hospital.
You should have seen my face.

And voila. We divorced amicably with alternating custody for children.

I really hope things improve for you both.

I will light a candle every night thinking of you dear Robbie.

OR ​

 

Our first thought is that someone can't possibly find any sort of meaningful connection here when compared to all our wonderful real world friends but this is simply not the case. I've been more touched by the messages that I've gotten in my mailbox than anything else. It was said that the reason we are less happy is because in the past people could confide in at least 3 people but these days some don't even have one. I'm sure Robbie is aware that he can talk to someone in real life but sometimes you just want someone to talk to outside of your normal relationships and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes a font and an emoticon is all that's standing between the person and an abyss.

 

speaking of emoticons...we need more...I have so much more to express... like I want a bum emoticon...and a rage emoticon...and a gay homosexual emoticon for those days when you just wanna buttsecks the crap out of your straightness...MORE EMOTICONS!!!!!!!

mind you...this is the gayest way to express dissaproval ---> "Oh naw he dee-daaaaaaant"

 

Hi I agree with most things that have been said before so I wont repeat.

I passed through this exact problem with my wife too.

Each person and relationship is unique so I cant tell you what to do exactly, but there is a very important view angle to take in account:

When you are in this situation, natural tendency is to think about your pain, about yourself.

But the most important thing, to repair your relation, is to think about her, what she wants, what she expect from you. Not what you think she should expect, not what you believe is best for her etc.. Really calm down, and think about what she told you about what is important for her in a relationship with a man.

Once you are clear about that, if you can / want to give this to her, you will have your relation back.

 

Just read some news and found this. I think this would help a lot

"And sometimes we do things that are not good, things that harm others. Have the courage to apologise when you do wrong things in the family"

Pope Francis.

 

It sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it?

I am sorry but I do not subscribe to any religion. Logic and rationality are my tools.

Get yourself free. Let her decide on her own without any pressure, religious or otherwise.

You BOTH will always love your kid(s) forever. There is no way out of this. And your kid(s) will always reflect that to you.

Do not take decisions in the heat of the moment. Give time to both of you.

 

Olymoon, *yes*

Xsze, your comments are touching my heart. If you carry on like this, i could possibly even develop gay feelings in my old days.

Great guys, friendly helpers, really.
I just want to share a nice poem with you. Though it's originally from England, i couldn't found an english translation in the internet. So i did the job myself, but i am afraid it isn't that good. I don't know if the spirit of the original comes through. For those who can understand german language, i have added the original. I read it numerous times over the years, to remind myself again and again and again....


I want to Love you,
without to narrow you;
cherish you,
without to evaluate you;
take you seriously,
without to specify you on something;
come to you,
without me to impose on you;
invite you
without to provide claims to you;
give something to you,
without to bundle expectations on it;
take leave of you,
without to have failed in essentials;
tell you my feelings,
without to make you responsible for them;
inform you,
without teaching you;
help you
without offending you;
take care of you,
without waning to change you;
have my joy in you, just as you are

If I can get the same from you,
then we could really meet and enrich each other.


Ich möchte dich lieben, ohne dich einzuengen,

dich wertschätzen, ohne dich zu bewerten,

dich ernst nehmen, ohne dich auf etwas festzulegen,

zu dir kommen, ohne mich dir aufzudrängen,

dich einladen, ohne Forderungen an dich zu stellen,

dir etwas schenken,
ohne Erwartungen daran zu knüpfen,

von dir Abschied nehmen,
ohne Wesentliches versäumt zu haben,

dir meine Gefühle mitteilen,
ohne dich für sie verantwortlich zu machen,

dich informieren, ohne dich zu bevormunden,
mich um dich kümmern,

ohne dich verändern zu wollen,
mich an dir freuen, so wie du bist.


Wenn ich von dir das gleiche bekommen kann,

dann können wir uns wirklich begegnen
und uns gegenseitig bereichern.

 

Not much news of Robbie

 

@_@

 

Hi Robbie, sorry to see this. Nothing's worse than family trouble, and nothing's harder to fix since everybody's different.
I think you have much good support and advice already so I'll just add one simple fact that I've learned through the years.

In my experience the thing that really works best in relationships is honesty. So first be honest to yourself. This sounds easy but for most of us it's probably the hardest thing to do. I failed that test many times.

Go deep, check yourself. Do you truly love her, do you understand what went wrong, are you really sure that you won't repeat those mistakes? Is your family more important than any temporary desires? Do you have the strength to sacrifice some of your ego to make others happy, cause that's necessary in a long relationship, especially when you have kids?

If these things are really true for you, and you express it, your wife will recognize your honesty because she knows you.
If she has love for you then this will mean something and you should be able to move on from there.
Hope things work out

 

Stop over analysing the fucking OP dude...can't you realise his manner of writing is streamlined thought, he's just throwing out his feelings, not trying to rationalise everything he's doing.

You say you use Logic and Rationality but put yourself in the heat of the moment and see how well you can cope...

 

Hey fellow

And then imagine that it is the opposite. This is Robbie, who sees a texting in the mobile phone of his wife. And one day, she comes back with a hickey in the neck.

And What?!! What would have been his reaction? Thank you darling?

In fact, the situation is quite logical. Robbie and harvest now the crap he has committed. Should be more careful guy. We do not play with the feelings of others. *no*

 

Robbie, i hope you still can stand an additional opinion from another forum member, after so much has been said already.

I was married twice and have children with both women. One time i left my wife and the other time i was the one who was left.

I winced at the point, where you told us (thanks for your trust, by the way), that you need your wife.
You are causing yourself thus not a very advantageous situation! It causes dependency on your side, and initiates in your partner a natural tendency to escape from that. Against this background, you can only loose.

Allow yourself to question and change this emotional property, by recognizing, that it doesn't belong to an adult relationship. Love between two adults can't grow on such a basis. A little child is dependent on adults, an addict on drugs. A self-responsible grown-up man who already has it's own kidz, should not offer himself to his wife as an additional burden. No later than after a child has been born, it starts to go wrong. Neediness won’t let you become more attractive in the eyes of a woman of the same age, being a mother herself. *no*

The birth of a child is for a man the last station on it's way to become grown up. If we don’t realize that in time and hold on to outmoded behavior instead, then it becomes more than difficult, to live a mature relationship at equal eye level, what leads to different reactions. Possibly this one: you unconsciously force your wife to respond like a bird mom, throwing her child out of the nest, so that it gets the chance to explore his skills and independence.

I wish you, that you realize your chance in this situation. Love can’t be caused or forced by calculated behavior in sense of: when i behave in this way, that is going to happen. One unpredictable factor remains: your woman, having an independent personality. None of us knows her and her opinion by the way.....

You can give your wife the template for it and a chance, to see you in a different light - everything else is not in your own hands. Your changes have to be authentic and for your own sake too, not just for here's, otherwise they won't last long. May happen, what's the best for all! *yes*