i think its more likely that 1200 people died who also tested positive with a flawed kit.

 

It's certainly a possibility I hadn't considered, but a lot of people who are dying are doing so because they were unwell..


I know I know how that sounded .

 

we will never know the true numbers

 

I make you right there. because there are going to be lots of people sick, queuing for a hospital bed that will never come simply because hospital services are overrun.

 

the funniest part is you can bet that lots of people went to hospital without it, probably for something stupid or paranoid they have got it, then caught it while they were there

 

Hah, Yeah i saw that episode, its proper ironic n funny aint it.
I was reading some comments bout the flu killing more people per year, which isnt true at all..
Just add up the daeths in the last month alone n youl see that theorys way way off accurate!

The flu can be combated,treated, yes theres some very very unfortunate people in the world that die, but you just cant equate covd19 to the flu...which has no cure, and cant be fought with modern day medicines, not yet anyway!

I saw them figures you mentioned bout 1000 or so people dying across the uk in the last day or so...
Thats scary a statistic..
We all have to remember that this whole thing with lockdowns gonna get a hell of alot worse before it gets any better, And in terms of it getting worse, weve a good 2 or 3 months easy, before we see it get better...

 

I know. I cant even remember what a toilet roll looks like! We are at the cutting kitchen rolls in half stage here.

 

Without a shadow of a dought..

i know ive said this before, But if i got run over n broke my leg, im hopping home on the good leg instead of hospital...

Fuck goin to hospital, Thas the worst place to be believe me!

 

Yup, mee too..

i , erm, hah,hah., erm, well both me n the missus have been wiping with fukn kleeenex coz weve run out...

its reee-fukin-dickulous that you have to fukn hunt down toilet roll, as if it were a drug,
Bog rolls proper illusive right now,

Heh, kleenex aint bad, kitchen rolls better tho yeah...

Were doin the same as you

 

Just make sure you use sharp scissors and make the initial hole with the pointy bit. Then a lil bit at a time to get it even..

My gawd, this feels like Blue Peter all over again!

 

Im tryin bruvv, im tryin..

This has made me re-evaluate what i want in life, The person i wish i was, and the person i actually am.
I havnt been in contact with anybody directly, but i have lifestyle n addiction problems that im trying to deal with that if im honest, are risky buisness...

I did have to goto a chemist each day until last week when the presribing service i use put me on twice fortnightly pick up , which helps..
I been climbing the bloody walls too, Fighting the urge to go score.
I desperatly need to get clean coz my body cant take the abuse ive put it thru, but its so so bloody hard mate,
Sometimes/always, I think ill never get clean, ill never be normal, or have a normal life..

I cant even program coz ive lost my dammmn mojo...Mainly due to drugz n alcohol..what a dickhead right?

Go onn, Dont be fukn shy, say it?

 

Ya bastard!!

I cant get that fukn Blue peter chooon outta my heeed now.

Dibby-Dip-Dip-Dibby-Dibby-Dip-Dip-Dee-Dee......."AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHH ITS NOT FUNNY"

Ive had to amend this coz now its shifted to the early 90,z Rave version rattling round my brain...

If i show you summat ive programed later today, and it sounds bluepeteresque, shooot me!!

 

If I thought it would help you, I would say it. Thing is, you need support .. sure we all rip the piss out of each other but bottom line, if it was easy getting off that stuff it wouldn't be called an addiction. Anything I can do to help..you just ask..k?

 

Thats an incredibly kind gesture i dont really deserve, Its Very sweet of you bruv..

" Cough,Cough, Ahem,/ i say that in a very very manly way, im simply in touch with my femenin side, but am extremely straight"

i tell you what tho, when you goto a gay club, the vibe is so calm, no violence, no wankers, Heh, I remember once this guy came up to me n asked me if he could buy me a drink, I then replied, Sorry im straight but thanks for the offer.

He then bought me drinks all night, knowing im straight as fuck, what a nice thing to do., You dont get that in a normal straight club.
For the record, my brother lives in central london, and hes an artist and was having an exhibition showing some of his work, anyway theres a club thats quite famous called "Madam Jo-Jo,z" And my artsy fartsy posh as fuck brother knew the owner and talked me into going there with him, A decision i do not regret one bit.. I had the best time ever , and i went back there with him loads o times...I think that clubs gone now, But its something i fondly remember, I was 18 when i first went, But alas i dont get along with my brother anymore and havnt spoken to or seen him since i was 30, im 42 now,

Oh yeah, its my birthday on tuesday so i expect b'day wishes from you guys..

Goin back to what you very kindly said/ I dunno what you could do to help tbh..
Ive been clean before, but ive always slipped back into it.
Im at my lowest fukn point if im honest..
Ive never been so bad before,
I think the fact im clinicly depressed doesnt help,and i dont get help with genralised anxiety disorder anymore which has crippled me in lots o ways which caused me to start drinking again, n im lonely as fuck even tho ive sumbody in my life and she loves me,
Weve been together for 22 years now, aside from one break up,which didnt last long.
But even still, My lifes empty, and i just dont know what to do anymore.
Plus i started doin sumthing i stopped doing years ago, Erm, Its related to the method in which i use heroin....
Im a total mess, you cant see anything that would indicate it, unless i wore shorts..

I wish there was something you could do.
But im my own worst enemy..
Hehe, unless your able to get diazepam or xanex, I ordered some just before this covd19 thing happened, and i was gonna get clean, but they havnt arrived coz of the lockdown, and the fact its an order from overseas..
So thas really pissed me off coz its much much much easier to come off the gear when you use benzoz to take the edge off n sedate you a bit so the withdrawls more manageble...Fukn covd19, why couldnt it have happened a month later, then chances are id be half way thru cleanin myself up, and wouldnt feel quite so defeated.

Defeated, yeah thats a good description of my state o mind..
I thought id been at rock bottom before, But not like this, I never knew there was a point lower than rock bottom. Well i sure as shit found it, Ive never been so low in my entire life, never felt so fukn hoplessly lost n so low,

Sorry all, im rammbling badly, i do that alot, soz, soz!

 

Last edited: Apr 3, 2020

Firstly, in case I don't speak to you on Tuesday, Happy birthday for then.

I remember reading a book a long long time ago now on how to wean yourself off of an addiction. (I wasn't addicted to anything, just picked it up and found it interesting) it starts off by asking what advice you would give to someone who was addicted assuming you were an addict yourself. It also made a point of treating the addiction as a jigsaw puzzle. You cannot complete a jigsaw puzzle in one go, but if you don't look at it as a puzzle, but take one piece and look for another piece that fits.

If I was to ask you if there was one thing you could do, something that was within your power to do as opposed to relying on someone or something else.Maybe you could call your brother and tell him you just wanted to make sure he was keeping safe. Anything that may or may not happen following that would be unknown and out of your control. What ya think?

 

there is nothing i can say or do to help you, but i do hope it works out soon!
can you go to the doctor and tell them you want to come off heroin and try to get methodone or something? it might help a little.

 

, Well, Ive been prescribed methadone since i was 26, theres other opiate replacement drugs ive been prescribed instead of methadone too, a synthetic drug called subutex,sometimes just diyhydracodeine/ also known as DF1-1-8'z,

Ive been on em all..
The easiest way to come of is to reduce what your using incrementaly, and when your down to a tiny bit and nearing comin off, you use diazepam to help makin the jump from usin that tiny bit, to using none,

Methadone and all the drugs i mentioned arent perfect,they take the withdrawl symptoms away/mostly, but you dont feel quite right even still, provided your prescribed enough of course, but it doesnt help you when your climbing the walls with cravings, Believe me, alot of the time its at that point when you succumb and end up using.

 

He did something i cannot just turn a blind eye too.
I feel extremely strongly about it, i cant go into it for fear of me bein tarnished by the same brush...
Although hes made no effort to contact me,id maybe listen, just so i could try to attempt to understand, no no, understands way way too strong a word, ill never understand,

anyway, he hasnt been to my family home or visited my mom since i was 30, Its because he cant face me, and even when i wasnt living at my family home, he was probably worried id turn up n fukn go ape-shit!

I loved my brother, and i looked up to him bigtime,he broke my heart , believe me i wish i could forgive him but its not possible.

 

Last edited: Apr 3, 2020

Update

Before



20 days later, the first crack started to show



40 days after, I thought it was all over. I dressed up and went partying



Currently, I am just trying to survive after the Corona virus mutated into the Vodka virus. If you thought the Chinese was bad, wait until this Russian virus gets you...specially if you downloaded Omnisphere from my release. Sorry guys, I could not test it. No kits were available.

 

Grrrr No , Talk about spoiler!!!
Well hopefully i will hear from you , but thanx in advance if i dont ..
Its just another shitty day for me n means little.

 

Last edited: Apr 3, 2020